Depression report

Yesterday David was out seeing a friend home (she stayed overnight and he was getting her to Central OK) and I found myself just sitting staring into space. Nothing on at all. No noise in the place. Just the cats wandering around. Depression is a form of mental paralysis I reckon. Like frozen in the head. 

Think this time it's been to do with my daughter (again). She really hurt me after not even hinting about my attending her wedding. Of course she says "I didn't say anything of the sort", but it was what she didn't say that was so hurtful. Even that it was going to be a very small affair.....hint hint don't come.....

I get it that she has a new family now and a new religion (poor deluded thing, gone all invisible sky man on me) but I don't get how she can be so exclusionist to her own father. I said a few very home truths in the email I sent last week, things that have needed to be said for some time. Stuff about what I went through over the decades with her, still sticking by her even when she just about drove me to suicide on occasion. And she didn't want me at her own wedding?

She had plenty of opportunity to ask me. She emailed me about it months ago, saying they were planning on getting married. The email the other day with it in brackets as an after thought was the last straw.

Also noticed the court case with psycho nephew is now next month. Not exactly thrilled about having to go relive all that again either.

Trying to live in the present. Recognise the depression without moralising about it (ie "This is bad, I shouldn't feel like this") and simply letting the feelings pass.