Psychologist visit - discussion aplenty

Finally went for the psychologist appt earlier this week. I'd had to cancel twice already this month from being so sick. 

We discussed the three things mostly on my mind. The bankruptcy thing wasn't major really. I mean nothing has changed. I chopped up the credit card months ago and changed most regular payments to manual, with regular payments coming out of each pension payment every fortnight through Centre Pay. That costs nothing. So getting the bankruptcy number was just a formality. Meh.

Explained what had happened with my daughter, and his suggestion was to try and have just a limited relationship going into the future instead of a more meaningful one that was more inclusive. Sounds like about the only option left. Seems that neither of us can get on with each other. At the moment we're not talking or emailing (she probably blocked me again) which is what I wanted. A break again. Every time I open myself up to her she does something that rips my heart out.

One of the things about it is with David. She just won't recognise him as my partner now. She doesn't want to know him now at all, not even as an acquaintance. Sort of polite greetings whilst holding the tongue sort of thing, she can't even do that for me. She wanted to go and see The Terminator with me a month or so ago, without David. Obviously a movie like that David and I would go see it together. So what am I supposed to do? Leave David at home and go see a movie with her that he wants to see too? It's just an impossible balancing act and I'm really sick of it. Would it be any different if he was a woman?

That theme sort of carried into talking about my nightmares of late of my older brother. In hindsight, in all three of those dreams so far, it's been to do with my brother not recognising David as my partner in the same way as my late wife. Just couldn't get his head fully around it, that I could love someone of the same sex as much as I loved my wife. The simple fact of his son bashing David on new years illustrates that abundantly. Also that they're now trying to defend and justify the bashing. Would it be any different if he was a woman?

Would it be any different if we were married?

Perhaps so. Apart from his sex, that's the only difference in the same love I had for my wife. Marriage can be a very defining thing for a relationship, cementing to all the true nature of your feelings for each other.