Last year was the worst year of my life. From the many worst years before that. It was the year that I broke; or the year that broke me. By the middle of it I was actively contemplating suicide. As a result of the help available, I was headed off before I got there. I had reached the point of measuring plastic bags over my head.
There were many people involved who saved my life during that time, but only a few core ones. One of them was Sammy. I took part in the Genesis workshop late last year in which he was one of those leading. The most precious moment was at the end when we picked up random pics from heaps on the floor. I chose one of a guy looking reflective and listening to music, saying that I identified with that as I had survived the year and was starting to listen to music again. The 2nd pic I chose was simply that perhaps I might learn to fly again.
That's what the pic looked like. It was the most meaningful part for me of that whole weekend. Sammy and others were a part of that moment.
At the last Planet Positive social night I thanked him for being one of those core people who had saved my life. Through tears I said for him to just know that "you've done a very good thing". He gave me a hug. That thank you from me meant a lot to me.
Last week I picked up a new mag by chance when I was seeing my brainologist. In it I found Sammy's thoughts on being here (he's gone back to his homeland America) titled "See ya later". He spoke of that thanks in the last paragraph. To read that was so special for me; another moment. Humbling I guess that my fucked up life and his part in my help was realised by him so much.
Suppose it takes a lot of shit to grow flowers? Well I've got a lot of shit, but the above are some of the best flowers I've ever seen darlings. I'm taking the time to smell them. They are so very very special.
See ya later Sammy :)
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