Another blood transfusion

Was surprised yesterday in the dialysis session; they gave me two units of blood as my hemoglobin was low. They'd mentioned they may give me some drug to help the oxygen thing last week but nothing about a transfusion again. I had one the first hospital stay, which was the 1st one I'd ever had. Looked it up and kidney disease is one cause of low hemoglobin, so I guess it's just something that goes along with what's happening to me now. Have been quite weak and dizzy the last few days, and they say with the lack of oxygen in the blood the heart has had to beat faster and harder to cope with it. One thing seems to lead to another. 


The dept head from work rang whilst I was there. I'm trying to keep him up to date as everything develops. He stated it looked like Feb was going to be a lost cause as far as getting back to work goes. I agreed especially given that the doctors are making appts for next month now without even asking if it's going to interfere with work. I see the Renal Team on the 1st so maybe I'll get an idea (if any) about a time length for the dialysis, as that's the main thing stopping any attempt to go back to work at the moment, even part time. It's all up in the air right now, I want to return to work but really no one knows for sure exactly what's going to happen. 


I know they try to be positive and encouraging, but there's always the possibility that my kidneys won't recover and I'll end up on dialysis permanently. Nobody wants that, especially me. It would mean going permanently onto some kind of disability pension and becoming completely reliant on the State. I'm having enough problems with feeling bad about not working already, let alone that.


Looks like Simon is leaving Friday. He's been away from his place up north for ages now, spent some time at his son's in Brisbane before coming here before even the Great Kidney Collapse. Neighbours have been looking after his place and he needs to get back. There's the odd road flooded en-route to there but alternate ways to go. He's been sooooo understanding through all this. It was a very "bad" time for him to come, but as the psychologist has said I shouldn't feel guilty or bad about how I've been; he's been here to help. He had little idea how bad things were until he actually got here. I first saw him the second visit in ICU, in fact looking back it was one of the first memories I had being in there that visit sitting next to the bed, as I remember nothing of the 2-3 days on the ventilator. He said later I barely recognised him (I did but had trouble putting it on my face). Fuck, really surprised he stayed around. 


He wants us to live together, probably out there in the country. It's a thought that's crossed my mind, and it's good he's making sure I don't forget it! But again, everything is up in the air here. I do want to return to work, just feel like I'm too young to give up a trade I've been in for bloody 25 years. Or then again maybe that's me just having trouble accepting a new reality? It's good to know the offer is there though. Sydney is a very expensive place to live if you aren't working...