I expressed how badly I was feeling about not being able to make any effort at all in any area at all. Psychologist view was that there was "clean" pain, which was how I would feel after going through such a trauma in the last few weeks and perfectly understandable, and "dirty" pain, which was unnecessary guilt about things that I shouldn't be concerning myself about. Basically being too hard on myself regarding what I can't do right now, or even what I don't feel like doing with Simon; I keep apologising to him for being like this on this visit. Need to listen to myself and be genuine about how I'm feeling, and realistic about my capabilities presently. There's no reason to feel guilty or bad about any of it, it's simply my current situation.
Explained how I was trying to be completely genuine with my feelings and the way I viewed the whole thing. Nothing is to be gained by going into denial and pretending to be happy and positive when you're not; in the end it just ends up worse. Riding it out involves recognising that I'm in a lot of shit and moving through it in a realistic and practical way. It involves acceptance of the new circumstances.
So here I am again. Flattened by life's deck of cards. More than once I wish I'd have been dealt another hand; just another go, another chance. ... But no, here I am fuckin again.
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