Farewell Golden Credit Card :)

It's been a wonderful journey with you over these last three decades, but alas dearie it's time for me to say goodbye. You've helped me more than you could know over the years, however now you've become a burden I just cannot endure. 

You've changed so much over the years. When I got you in 1985 all you had was a magnetic strip on your back. I can't remember back then either any secret number I had to look up on your back. This was before the internet. Before mobile phones. Before the modern world that we know now. 

You adapted and changed to meet this modern world. You got a smart chip thingo embedded in you, and most recently you burst out with Pay Wave. I loved after the magnetic strip thing that I could insert you into the checkout machines and just by typing my PIN I could make the purchase without signing anything. It was so convenient, so fast! But Pay Wave was your golden age. I loved you making the checkout machines bleep at me as I waved you in front of them. It was like I was there, a hip happening modern bloke.

But dearie, you went bad on me in the end. You started charging me insane 20% interest when I was on my ass. It was like you wanted me to fail, like you expected it. Like a vulture moving in for the kill, you started charging me $500 a month just for the pleasure of your bleeps. It was over at that point, but I kept you going until you were all used up by me. Sorry about that but David and I are human beings and not cards and we had to eat you know.

So farewell my darling. It's been a pleasure, but it turned to horror in the end. And BTW, I've found someone else..... 

Perhaps I could have told you, but then you'd have spat the dummy and refused to give me anything more at all. Something I wasn't willing to do. Yes, I went capitalist, used you up, now I'm moving on. You may know this new card; it's your younger sibling. A debit card, something of a new invention compared to you.

My new love is your younger multi-access MasterCard. Yes baby, it's mastered you. It has Pay Wave too. It has a fancy chip thing in it too. It has a magnetic strip on it's back (fuck knows where I'm going to use that though) and secret numbers. It's all set for this modern internet world. But it's not going to demand $500 a month for the pleasure. It simply uses my account.

Oh what pleasure. It bleeps everwhere without charging me 20% interest to do so! 

I've moved on baby. ......