Work worries

I have to work every day this week. There's a big job to be running all week on one of the folding machines, so they're getting the agency bloke in every day to work the guillotine leaving me free to run the folding job. It'll be the first full week I've worked in about 9 months I think. 

I'm a bit worried about the fatigue levels I might experience. Although the physicality of what I'll be doing will be much less, it seems like the hardest thing about work is getting up in the mornings to go. I have the alarm set for 6am, and it's often a struggle to wake up that early and get going. As it's getting fairly cool at nights now coming on to winter, I've set up the heater next to the bed to keep the room not so cold in the mornings. Then of course even though I have a couple of strong coffees before starting work, I still get tired from the side effect of the happy pills. And from the HIV I guess too. Often am yawning my head off at about 9am and struggling through the next couple of hours.

Wasn't very happy about working all week just as Simon arrives for a stay in Sydney. Turns out though the friend he's watching her house for wants to spend time with him before she goes overseas for 2 months, so he'll be doing stuff with her most of the week anyway.

Gay marriage rally

Yesterday afternoon Simon and I ended up at the Oxford at Taylor Square, and there were people who'd been to a rally drinking there on the balcony. I hadn't even heard about it, but it was in support of gay marriage. Felt a bit silly not have known about it as I usually am up on those sorts of things. It had finished earlier just across the road in fact. Wished I'd have known about it as it would've been a fun event and I'd have taken photos. Apparently it went really well.

The decision of Obama in America to become the first US President to support gay marriage has been in the news here this week. It's good that it's gotten news coverage, but it's a bit sad in a way that so much media hype is given to something that really is a no brainer. I guess it's significant in that it's the first US president to do so, but as far as being some radical move that's going to up-heave society it's a complete non issue. 

It's simply the conservatives over there trying to make it so, pronouncing the end of life as we know it if gay marriage goes ahead. The haters aren't representative of the majority of people in Western countries who are in favour of equal rights for gays. Unfortunately this non issue is being drummed up by conservatives for political purposes, and I think it's very unfair that such a basic issue as equal rights is being used as a political football for the self interest of political parties. We owe a minority group more than to label them evil in the name of politics and religion. 

This is the sort of shit we're up against, unbelievable that in 2021 someone can make a submission like this completely seriously:

 

I am not evil. I am not bad. I'm a fuckin human being just like everyone else. My sexuality is not wrong. 

I'm getting the feeling that gays have just had enough and want equality without any excuses.

SX news

Got a reply from Peter Garret, MP, about dental scheme

I wrote to my local member of parliament about the new federal dental scheme to see what the answer would be to my question about the closing of the Chronic Disease Dental Scheme. My federal MP is, believe it or not, Peter Garrett, lead singer of the Australian group Midnight Oil a few years back. Here is one of the more popular singles of the time:

My question was very specific regarding my circumstances, but unfortunately all I got back was a form letter.The most relevant bit being:

The Government’s intention is to close the Chronic Disease Dental Scheme (CDDS) at the first opportunity after the Budget to enable work to commence on a national scheme which is better targeted to helping those who most need support.

Once again, thank you for writing to me and if you require any further assistance in relation to any other Federal matters please don’t hesitate to contact my office.

Yours Sincerely

Peter Garrett AM

Federal Member for Kingsford Smith
Minister for School Education, Early Childhood and Youth

Meh, very disappointing really. I thought Peter would have been more forthcoming than that. I mean it's not every day a politician gets an email from an HIV+ person asking a very specific question about new gov rules coming in that will directly affect them. This was my reply:

 

Um, all already knew all of that from the media reports online. Something more than a form letter would have been nice.

My specific question hasn't been answered at all. That being:

Being HIV positive, will I still be eligible for assistance under the new scheme, and will I be able to use the private dentist that I've been using for the last 2 years who is part of my health care plan?

I look forward to a more detailed reply.

BTW I'm keeping track of this on my blog and letting people who view my blog as well about this correspondence. The blog is currently getting about 100 views a day.
http://lifewithhiv-peter.blogspot.com.au/

We'll see how it goes from there. 

Didn't go out anywhere last night. Simon and I ended up staying in, and getting to know each other's bodies again. It's been a while as last time he was here all we had was one fuck and then I got Shingles. It was amazing to reconnect again after such a long time apart physically like that. Today we're going out for some drinks somewhere just to get out. He wanted to go out last night but I had the shits from work and was just too tired. It all worked out well in the end!

The arrival of Simon

Simon arrived late last night (well late for me on a work night....) at a bit after 9pm. Dunno why was so tired yesterday and couldn't keep my eyes open earlier and went to bed. Left the front door ajar and he came in after I'd been drifting asleep for a bit. He was full of excitement and all, so happy to be here. His little dog too was so excited to see me, remembering me of course, and she'd lost heaps of weight and was much healthier after treatment for a thyroid problem. I felt pretty annoyed with myself being in bed when he got here in amongst all that joy and all, but no I'm not going to feel guilty about being tired. 

I told him after the big greetings that I just needed to go to bed and sleep, and recognised he'd be awake for a while after the long drive. He left at 9:30am and got here at 9:15pm. We were both happy about that and he joined me later when he was ready. I couldn't let him go all night, although at one point I said "Sorry! I'll snore in this other direction". That's good too as his dick is against my ass. Neither of us were going to do anything, but it was good to be next to each other like that. Both took off the undies and spent the night naked together.

He met me after work today for some drinks at the pub down the road. I felt like partying on, but he wanted a decent dinner and as I have to work tomorrow he convinced me to go home whilst he went shopping at the supermarket. He's so into being responsible. Unlike me. At least I will be able to get to work tomorrow without a big piss up tonight.

Expectations

Simon is in transit tonight. He is on the way from Lightning Ridge. He's been telling me about some gift he has to give me for some days now. After each day I've forgotten about it and then he tells me again. I suspect he's pulling my leg and it won't be much at all, ha ha. Will be arriving later at about 8pm he reckons. 

I've had a day of strenuous-ness. Ended work and my back was just aching. Oh I think I'm just getting old darlings. Chopping 5 pallets in a day is getting a bit much for this old dear. Got to work this morning and got the coffee and all before work. When I started I filled out my name and that on my time sheet along with my employee number. Couldn't remember what the date was so got out my phone and looked. Started writing it and as soon as I'd written "9th" I realised. ... Fuck, can't believe I forgot that. It's 6 years today that my wife died.... 

Texted my daughter saying I'd just realised what day it was. She sent back that she knew and was being taken to the cemetery this morning by her boyfriend. I thought about it and wondered if I should have had the day off, but as I need the money it wasn't an option today. In the past I would have, but it seems my attempts at moving on have been more successful than my daughters. And who can blame her? I thought more of my daughter today than missing my wife. Think today is more about my daughter now than anything else. My own mother died when I was 14 and it was devastating, her mother when she was 15. I so feel for her now in this.

She died at 10:30am. I took a moment aside by myself at work, remembering those dying moments. When I sat with her, holding her hand, saying goodbye as she slipped from this world. It's something I'll never forget.

The trip to the doctors yesterday went well. My lungs are quite clear after the slime disease. Have ended the antibiotics yesterday. I do hope the slime doesn't make a come back as has previously happened. Still have a bit of a running nose and cough. Will see what happens I guess. He did the referral for the Renal Clinic at the hospital and faxed it off. We joked that at least they thought I was going to survive another year until the next appt, ha ha. Discussed the new study, but in the end I declined to take part. What I should have been told previously is that I needed to be on HIV meds to be eligible for it. There's no fuckin way I'm going to start meds just for the sake of a study, given my last experience of them. He quite understood and was in agreement with my position.

The CD4 count being at 640, although down on the 700's for the first time in a while, was still very healthy and not at all indicating the need for meds any time soon. That reduction I'd say is to be expected after my Shingles episode along with a Slime Disease attack. Being as I'm not on meds I'd consider a CD4 of 640 a very good result. So did he.

The Federal gov here done their big budget thing for 2012-13 last night. I wasn't the slightest bit interested as I'm just so jaded with politicians, and looked at it as simply the budget before the next Federal election that was going to make people vote for them. Who knows if it will. It's certainly a good pitch though, appearing to target poor people doing it tough whilst bringing the gov budget back into surplus for the first time since the global financial crisis. I wasn't interested at all, until I came across this thing that will totally affect me:

Phase 1 tax cuts

From 1 July 2012, the tax-free threshold will rise from $6,000 to $18,200, and the maximum value of the Low-income tax offset (LITO) will be reduced from $1,500 to $445.

The first marginal tax rate will be increased from 15 per cent to 19 per cent, and will apply to that part of taxable income that exceeds $18,200 but does not exceed $37,000.

The second marginal tax rate will be increased from 30 per cent to 32.5 per cent, and will apply to that part of taxable income that exceeds $37,000 but does not exceed $80,000.

Phase 2 tax cuts

From 1 July 2015, the tax-free threshold will rise from $18,200 to $19,400, and the LITO will be reduced from $445 to $300.

The second marginal tax rate will increase from 32.5 per cent to 33 per cent and will apply to that part of taxable income that exceeds $37,000 but does not exceed $80,000. 

Link

So from the 1st July this year, the first $18,000 you earn will attract no tax at all. Zilch. Zero. Up from as currently the first $6,000 a year. Being as my income presently is only a pissy $30,000 or so gross on the 3 day or so week, this must have a major impact on my take home pay. Currently I pay about $65 a week tax. By my reconing looks like about a $20 a week tax cut, I think.

Imagine

I gave up on the John Lennon thing many years ago, probably right after I heard it. He was talking about a world that wasn't ever going to happen. An imaginary world. I would like to think though that we can get further in individual societies.

I was sitting outside in Taylor Square this afternoon after the doctors, having some quiet beers on my own. It has been a lovely autumn day, with most drinkers at the Oxford Hotel sitting on the balcony outside. I'd just got another set of results of my CD4 count, which was only down a touch even after the Shingles and Slime disease of the past months, at 640. A very good result under the circumstances, particularly as I'm not on any HIV meds. I was feeling very pleased and relaxed, as everyone else there appeared to be. A bloke with an American accent passed us by, and was raving things. I thought he was joking or being sarcastic, maybe to somebody on the balcony. It was so weird. He walked past us all, and before any of us actually realised that he was a hateful nut, he'd gone (gutless). 

He called us evil or something like that, and polygamists. Polygamists? Where the fuck did that come from? To be a polygamist you have to be able to get married for a start, we can't (yet). And since when did the American definition of polygamy jump from Mormonism between men and women, to gays who can't even get married? Me and another bloke both told him to get fucked as he disappeared, and laughed that he was in fact gay. Probably had a boy on the side. Why else would someone hate us like that?

Must say it's the first time I've seen that here. Being a recent convert to my own sexuality I've not previously seen such sort of hatred directed specifically to me or the group I'm in. 

But just imagine.....

A society where the promise of heaven via religion didn't mean a denial of your sexuality.

It's easy if you try.......

A society where religious doctrine didn't dictate the social mores of the day.

Where it wasn't about tolerance, but acceptance.  

Where bigotry against people just because of who they are didn't exist.

Where people didn't hate us, for no fuckin reason other than their own self hatred.

Just imagine...

The world of 100

An interesting set of posters that put statistics into easily understood graphics. Here are a couple of them:

I've heard the 10% one before. No matter what influence religion or society has, the fact remains that wherever there are human beings, 10% of them will have a gay sexuality. This includes in countries where homosexuality is illegal for whatever reason.

Another study to participate in

Had  busy day yesterday.

First off went to the Renal Clinic at the hospital. It's been 6 months since my last visit and I didn't particularly feel like going. Got there about 15 minutes before my appt and did the urine specimens and got my weight and blood pressure done by the nurse. The receptionist told me I needed a referral from my GP, so I'll have to sort that out. Told her I'd forgotten about all those procedures as it was all done through Emergency when I came in last year. Doctor saw me straight away and I didn't have to wait. He used the blood results from my last visit to the Infectious Diseases clinic that I got done in Jan for my CD4 count. 

Kidney results were as expected, the kidney functions only a bit below normal. That's to be expected as the 2nd time I nearly died last year I was in fact almost dead when they found me; very weak heartbeat with pneumonia, and suffered a lack of oxygen to my body. As well as the brain injury (which I seem to have recovered a lot from) this also increased the damage to the kidneys which had only 2 weeks earlier failed acutely from the allergic reaction. Overall, being as how sick and nearly dead I was, this today is a fantastic result. All the doctors involved are pleased and surprised at my recovery from it. I don't have to go back for a year now, and the Renal Clinic at the hospital will communicate with my GP for future blood monitoring. It was a short meeting, and I left there only about half an hour after arriving, must be an all time record. 

Walked up the road and got on the bus for my next appt; part 2 of the HIV brain study. This is the last bit required of me for this to complete my contribution, the study testing people mentally with a 6 month interval to gauge the effects that HIV may or may not have on the brain. I explained from the start that I didn't actually have much of a brain left to begin with, all that alcohol and drugs, as well as the brain injury last year. Apparently I did quite well though. I can get the results from my GP to find out how much of a brain I actually do have. Seeing him today. 

Got to Oxford St in good time on the bus,  only waited about 5 minutes for one near the hospital. As I had some spare time I thought I'd go and get my Fury Fridays bear card activated at the Oxford Hotel.

It gives me cheap drinks on Friday nights there, being "fury Friday". I'm usually too exhausted after work to get out much drinking on a Friday night, but may make an effort to when Simon is here. As I was in the pub after doing that I had a quiet beer whilst waiting for it to be time for the brain study appt. Hadn't drunk all weekend.

After I completed the tests and questionnaires at the appt, they asked me if I'd like to take part in another on. "Ugh" I thought, as I'd just about had enough of it. But this one does look quite interesting, especially with the way I've been looking into food quality lately. I only just qualify being over 50 as it's for over 50's. My GP is the one heading the study too which would make it easier. They gave me some info to read through and discuss it today with my GP.

The actual time involved seems quite a lot. It's all completely free though, and I see and get advice from a nutritionist and all. I rang and asked Simon's opinion and he thought it sounded a good idea. It would be interesting, and I can pull out any time I want if it's getting a bit much. I would be in the group with the "team approach". Think I may agree to do this after all as it's a subject I'm interested in.

OMG! Ken's is closing!

I was there on Friday for a couple of hours after work (naked night Fridays) and somebody said that it would be closing soon. I was at the time, ah, distracted by other things and didn't think much of it. As an afterthought the next day I googled it, and to my horror:

Sydney’s longest-surviving gay venue, Ken’s at Kensington, will close its doors on May 20 for the last time after 40 years operation.

“It is with regret that I can confirm that Ken’s at Kensington will be closing due to the sale of the building,” owner Reiner Becker, owner of the iconic sex-on-premises venue, told the Star Observer in a statement.
“Our last day of trading will be May 20 — until then it is business as usual.”

Ken’s opened in 1972. The building that houses it, at 83 Anzac Pde, has a 50-year association with the LGBTI community as it also housed the Purple Onion nightclub, which opened in 1962.

Ken’s first owner was Ken “Kandy” Johnson, a drag queen from the Purple Onion who also owned the Park Inn Hotel in Woollahra — another early Sydney gay venue. Johnson opened Ken’s Baths in a gym at 97 Belmore Rd, Randwick in 1971, before relocating to the old Purple Onion building.

When Johnson remodelled the venue, the nightclub’s stage was replaced with a swimming pool, around which shows were occasionally still performed.

The venue was later sold to David Ross and Nicolas Lorschy who also opened the Roman Baths on Pitt St in the city in 1977.

At Anzac Pde, the venue was first known as Ken’s Karate Klub and also Kensington Karate Klasses.
With homosexuality in NSW not decriminalised until 1984, the names were supposed to explain the vinyl-covered mats and the thumping and groaning inside.

Ken’s at Kensington found itself in the news in 2010 when a Channel Seven film crew filmed then state Transport Minister David Campbell leaving the venue.

Becker told the Star Observer in 2002 that the venue attracted people from all walks of life.
“You never know who is going to fancy who,” Becker said.

“You can’t foretell what a person’s taste is going to be like. A towel is a great leveller.”

The closure of Ken’s at Kensington follows on the heels of the Taxi Club going into voluntary administration, and leaves King Steam as Sydney’s longest-operating gay venue, having opened its doors in 1974.
Star Observer 

There's plenty of other gay sex on premises venues, but this one was the closest to where I live and meant that it was only a short bus ride to get there, instead of having to go all the way into Oxford St or the city. It was also the one where I first started getting involved in the gay scene. Lots of fond memories there. I mean I know it's only casual anonymous sex but often that's really intense. 

Luckily Simon will be in town when it closes. He suggested going there for a farewell fuck. I was in two minds about it as I think it'd be very sad to walk around the place and remember all those good times had, and to know it was soon at an end. But after some thought I agreed with him.

New national dental scheme announced

With much hoopla the (minority) gov and Greens have announced they will embark on a new era in dental care here, or some shit like that. I get very wary when the pollies start jumping up and down about things saying how good it's all going to be for everyone. Usually it's about saving money, not spending it. And it looks like the same thing again with this.

The chronic disease dental scheme that I've been using (I qualify having HIV) has blown out to $1.9 billion in 4 years, from $377 million. Under the new scheme they're going to shut down this chronic disease scheme in favour of a new national scheme, with the overall money spent by the looks of it being only about half of the present $1.9 billion cost. Of course they're raving about all the good bits, but pretty well leaving me in the dark about the replacement scheme and if I will qualify or not:

The core of the announcement is $345.9 million for dental services for the 400,000 people - most of them concession card holders - who are waiting for care in the public system.

The announcement will also address the shortfall of dental healthcare professionals, including:

$77.7 million for relocation and infrastructure grants for up to 300 dentists who set up practices in rural and remote areas;

$10.5 million for oral health promotion; and

$450,000 for non-government organisations to co-ordinate additional pro-bono work by dentists for disadvantaged people.

The Greens, who made better dental care one of their conditions of support for the Gillard government in 2010, have agreed to the deal.

Greens senator Richard Di Natale said the package was ''the most significant investment in public dental health in decades'' that would ''go a long way to reducing the huge waiting lists in the public system''.

The government will now push ahead with closing the chronic disease dental scheme and will replace it with a new national scheme with stricter guidelines for who is eligible and what kinds of dental care they can receive.
Link

So what are the "stricter guidelines for who are eligible" going to be? I presently earn a bit too much for a health care card, as there's no criteria involved to take things like rent into account. Sydney is very expensive and eats up a lot of my take home wage. I can only hope that I will in fact qualify under this new scheme. If I don't then it's no more dentist for me, would be completely unaffordable.

Simon here this week

Simon rang last night and is coming on Wed. Long drive from out there in the middle of nowhere. Won't get here until about 8pm he says. Think he's here in Sydney for a few weeks this time. I know he has to look after that house whilst his friend goes and sees her family in England for a month, but I dunno when she's leaving exactly. He also wants to see the dentist down here he's been going to as the one out there in Lightning Ridge is apparently a "butcher". 

Finding myself a touch nervous this time. Not sure why. He's very full on with wanting to do things and go out, where as I'm happy to just sit around and do fuck all. I've got no money to be going out all the time anyway. Might just be he doesn't get the chance to much out in the sticks and goes a bit bananas in Sydney. I sometimes end up just telling him "I don't want to go anywhere or do anything, but off you go mate don't let me stop you". That's worked fine in the past.

Think my internet time is a bit of a hassle too. I often spend a couple of hours in the morning online. He (being older and without the internet at his place) seems to think that's pretty much doing nothing. I tell him it's not like that, there's a whole online world out there and once you start getting involved with it all it can be very useful. He was a bit shocked when I told him I "had" to get another PC recently as the other one carked it, and put the $400 on the credit card to get it. He thought that was a terrible waste of money. WTF? I said that I spend ages online and it's part of my world right now. 

I dunno I'm just so fucked at maintaining friendships or any kind of relationship at all now. When problems come I just go "oh fuck it" and can't deal with the hassle. Hopeless. Maybe it will come back over time, but I'd guess it's part of my behaviour now after my life's train wreck. Lucky Simon is patient. 

Saw this at Dave's blog:

Gay stereotype

During the time that KFC was in court getting sued by the family here who's daughter got brain damage from a contaminated Twister (the court battle lasting 7 years so far, see recent posts) they were airing this add in Australia:

 

What a fuckin lie.

Looking up a bit more about that video gone viral on the net, Pastor Harris's Christian love displayed in all it's glory. Man, these people are fuckin wacko. How would you even argue with someone like that, completely delusional in his religious world of 1950's bigotry? The guy is obviously beyond help. You could write a whole book of psychology about this nut. I did remember though this that I came across a while back on a funny site. This would suit Pastor Harris and his fantasies very well I think.

 It's confusing to me too as he defines gay people pretty much exclusively as effeminate and limp wristed. The guy has no idea, unless he's referring to his own inner desires? It's strange to me that he would think all gay people are like that. They're not. Many gays are very well built and would be well capable of knocking his block off. Wanna argue with these guys Pastor? How about "maning up" to them?

No limp wrists there mate. It's something about being a man and the attraction to that. I find effeminate gays quite rare here in Sydney. Even lots of the pretty boys are big and muscular. Most guys unless they said they were gay you'd not know, not that it's an issue anyway.

Another thing that confuses me is, aren't there laws over there in "NC" that puts a limit on this sort of hate speech? Should people be able to hide behind "religious freedom" to use the pulpit to vilify a whole minority? I looked up the laws here in New South Wales:

The law in New South Wales currently prohibits public acts that incite hatred towards, serious contempt for, or severe ridicule of, a person or group of persons on the grounds of race, homosexuality, HIV/AIDS infection or transgender identity. These prohibitions are contained in Section 20C, 49ZT, 49ZXB and 38S (“the NSW civil provisions”) of the Anti Discrimination Act, 1977 (NSW) (“ADA”).

Well lucky me, I've got a double hit there, gay and HIV. Other than that, fuck the public outrage that would transpire here if anyone dared to spew the vitriol that Pastor Harris did towards gays would be swift and all encompassing across the gay and straight community. Society here thankfully is well past any debate about gays being wrong for who they are, even with a lot of religious people. Particularly in Sydney, where many people have friends and family who are gay, and who know they're not monsters.

This probably summed it all up the best, from an American blog:

Social issues are taking a front and center role in this year's elections and my suspicions are that the Republican party cannot run on the economy since they ran it into the ground with George W. Bush and now that President Barack Obama is seeing better economic numbers due to his work their only alternative is to go back to the social issues. The War on Women and the continued War against the LGBT community has shown to be overwhelmingly unpopular in the country. According to a Gallop Poll in 2011 53% of Americans believe same-sex marriage should be recognized by law with the same rights as marriage between a man and a woman or heterosexual marriage this is up from 44% when polled the year before. The trend is towards acceptance the American people realize that the real fight isn't about social issues it's about economic prosperity, growth, bringing jobs to the U.S. becoming a country that exports products again, made in America. The polls time and time again show this trend upward in favor with many Catholics favoring gay marriage and now with the repeal of DADT (Don't Ask Don't Tell) many are seeing that the fake fear of our military crumbling because of it was just more fear mongering by hate filled ignorant politicians.

BTW here in Australia gays have been in the military for 20 years I think. It's incredible seeing such a debate going on over there, all these years later.

Preachers hating again; hatred from hell

I woke up early this morning. The internet allows me to see shit from the other side of the world. There was an audio this morning, but tonight after I got home from work I was able to see this of it.

Where is "NC" by the way? That's "North Carolina" USA right?

What a fucked up way to start the day. I spent a lot of today really in shock. I mean FFS, what sort of community does any poor person who lives where that church is, who is gay, have according to the gay persons there?

If this preacher was an Islamic fundamentalist preaching this hatred, fuck knows how much he would be condemned around the Western world for his stance. Yet this goes unnoticed in the Main Stream Media because it's supposedly a Christian organisation. To preach such hate as this, against a gay minority, is unheard of here.

The preacher is gay I'm telling now. He is speaking of his own desires and his hatred for himself to control those desires. I predict at some point he will be caught out with a rent boy. 

But I wonder..... How many people in the local community there has he made think by this, that their sexuality is a sin?

Added direction for the blog

This blog started by me the other year. As part of my recovery process coming back from the brink of measuring plastic bags over my head, I have it seems drifted into a bit of political thinking on the blog. This has happened slowly but of a sure nature over the last I'd guess 6 months? (correct me if I'm wrong but I don't care).

This has left me with a decision to make about where I'm heading with the blog. Originally it was simply a diary about my everyday life, and how I slowly worked through and remembered and sorted the day out; daily. From there it has progressed to what it is today, where I've become very aware that there are people in other countries reading it, and that perhaps it would be a good thing to give my particular perspective online to these new people. Very slowly I found I was addressing these people in the way I wrote the blog, whoever mysterious online people they are, or care who they are. I did enjoy just being me in that little one way conversation, just throwing my new found self out there. Anyone reading the blog from a while ago has witnessed the beauty of that; me in the process of discovering more and more my sexuality.

But it's more than that. I've had a strong interest in politics for many years. Many many years. And although it's not part of my everyday life, I do find that as I recover from my mental health issues that I seem to be re-engaging in said politics. I therefore have no choice, as this blog is particularly about me (me me me darlings, it's all about me) so I've made the decision. I will be including political comments from here on.

These comments will of course be from my point of view, as a political leftie in Australia.;

His final goodbye

I was going to entitle this post "Sick of being sick", and go into a bit of a rave about how stressful the (lessening) slime disease was now being in the 4th week. But then I turned on the PC and saw this story, about a 17 year old told he is dying.

I think about confronting my own death, but who knows when that will be? I may very well live to a ripe old age. Yet here I find this person giving his final goodbye:

Shaun Wilson-Miller, 17, has battled heart problems since he was a child but last week he was given his worst diagnosis yet.

A biopsy revealed his body was rejecting his second heart transplant and doctors say they cannot perform a third.

Shaun, who became a Heart Kids Ambassador at the age of 13, filmed a video titled "My Final Goodbye" in which he thanks his family and friends and tells them he will miss them.

"This has been an awesome ride and I have no regrets," Shaun says.

"Live life to the fullest because you never know what's going to happen." 

Shaun's father Cameron told ninemsn he was extremely proud of his son, who has become an inspiration to many others with health problems.

"He did that all himself. At first I didn't want him to make the video and I told him not to," Cameron said.

"But it's out there and it's touched a nerve all over the world."

Cameron said his son wanted to spread his message about staying positive to as many people as possible.

"He just wants to be positive in life, no matter what happens to you in life, be positive," Cameron said.

 "He's just going to deal with the cards he’s been dealt and that’s it."

 Link

I dunno WTF to say. What got me was his fathers comment about "dealing with the cards he's been dealt". 

I've said before how that at times I've wished for another hand, another chance. But alas, "There ain't no shuffling of the cards that you're dealt". The courage, the acceptance, to deal with those cards is perhaps one of the biggest things facing illness, particularly when it's terminal. 

Unless I get clobbered by a bus or shot dead by a maniac, HIV will ultimately be the illness that kills me. It may be sooner or later, who the fuck knows. But in facing death I will surely be doing well to have the same outlook as this young 17 year old; an inspiration. 

One day, whenever it is, I will be in his position. I gauge it will be years yet. But one day I will also be saying goodbye. Not only to those that I know in real life, but to all of you out there in internet land. I promise to make it a proud goodbye, thankful for the life I've had.....