Picking up the Pieces

Seems depression is rearing up a bit lately. It's getting very hard to go to work, as I'd rather stay at home closed up in the house. Have been here before, it's an issue to do with at least knowing that nothing bad is going to happen. I feel safe inside my own home. Just me and the cat...

See my psychologist tomorrow. Has been a while as I needed a break from all the counselling and wanted the opportunity to take charge of my life again. Has been reasonably successful, have sorted out some things and survived intact. This depressed feeling though worries me. I don't want it taking hold like it did last year.

Last year being the worst year of my life. Had already had the last straw by the time I was told I was positive. Became extremely suicidal, and if not for the intervention of those there to support those with HIV would not be here today. Endured a mental collapse to where I felt I was simply sitting in a room full of rubble wondering where to go from there.

Have started picking up the odd piece or two. Got a loan and paid the credit card off. Went into huge debt very quickly as I lost the ability to control money, along with other everyday things. Shopping, working, just basic organisational things of life became extremely difficult. In many ways almost unimportant to me, as during that time it was about my very survival, not how well organised I was.
The debt, and other life things not looked after, became collateral damage. Unavoidable. Beyond my control. Not my fault. My concern and attention was elsewhere
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