Disclosure and Mortality

Perhaps its because I was getting my will finalised this last week, or being seriously assaulted by rogue police officers to the point of feeling suicidal, let alone the fact of being HIV+, that last day or two have been very aware that my life won't be going on forever.

My will has been sitting at the solicitors for a year, just never got around to finishing the thing off with all that went on last year. In it I have an extra bit where I appoint someone to pull the plug if I end up being kept alive only on a machine. I don't want to be any hero, and don't want to suffer like my wife did. I've decided to appoint my daughter who will have to go in the office and sign in front of a solicitor there to accept the appointment.

There was also this I read in the news today online:

When my sister was on life support after an aneurism more than 30 years ago, a system was in place so that her life support could be turned off after a panel of doctors pronounced her ''brain dead''.

Why can't a similar system work for those people who wish to die with dignity either because of extreme pain due to terminal illness or who put in place a wish to die when they no longer recognise their family or communicate or experience life as we know it?

My mother never wanted to be a burden to her family or live a life devoid of meaning. She would be horrified if she knew the distress her children felt because of her condition.
http://www.smh.com.au/opinion/society-and-culture/my-mother-was-clear-she-never-wanted-to-live-this-way-20100324-qwmh.html

And it's got me wondering again when I should tell my daughter that I have HIV? If I'm giving her the responsibility to end my life in certain circumstances, should I not tell her also of my condition that may or may not lead up to that? I'm thinking more and more now that she has a right to know, and to not tell her would in some way limit our relationship as father and daughter.

When I told my sister she was completely calm about it, and it actually strengthened our relationship. She felt special that I had trusted her with such personal information, and would rely on her judgement as to who she might or might not tell.

In a way it's not about feeling ashamed of having it, but rather about sharing with someone that you have a medical condition that unfortunately still has a lot of stigma and misinformation attached to it. It is of course much easier to disclose your status in the gay world as HIV is accepted. One in 5 gays in eastern Sydney are positive. Not so in the straight world, where huge misinformation remains. Some people still honestly think I'm going to cark it in a few short years!

Gladly however my daughter has grown up in a different world than me; amongst her peers sexuality just isn't an issue. She even had a girl friend in high school for a year and thought little of it. For her it will be about the disease, and her growing awareness of her father's mortality.

Yes I think I must tell her soon.