Awake for 3 hours with the runs, the time sleeping spent in nightmares. Strange, bizarre, horrible nightmares. I sit up before the alarm goes off and turn on the light. Am tired from lack of sleep, and upset, nearly in tears, from the head space the dreams have put me in.
During the night when awake have been trying to remember what happened that night with the police. I realise how little I do remember. Huge gaps over hours, with just the odd moment here and there I recall. I realise just how bad, just how emotionally distressed I must have been, to cause such a memory loss.
I realise more than ever now that I suffer mental illness. My head isn't firing on all cylinders. It's not well at all. The memory loss happens if I get severely distressed emoionally. It's either protecting my head or a casualty of the chemical reactions that take place in the head during such times. Like when people don't remember a car crash or such like, even the bit of time just before it.
Really missing S right now. He's coming to visit for a few days end of month. It'll be good to have someone there to hold at night.
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So sorry you had such a rough night. Hope you are better tonight. I do think your brain is trying to protect you from things you can't handle. So glad S is coming for a visit. Hopefully the visit will give you comfort and a break from your stress.
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Ack, followed by the worst day. Tired as hell, then the meds made me almost falling asleep at the machine. Nearly went home shouldn't have been there like that, but FFS have already lost 3 days pay last 2 weeks being sick, just can't afford more of that! Battled on for the company, bla bla.....
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