Anxiety issues aplenty

Woke up this morning feeling very anxious. Talked about it with David asking if he's had the same experience lately and he has. We've both been having bad dreams and often both wake up feeling so. I've noticed that it's been getting more the last month, to now is just about every morning with me anyway, am feeling this in the morning.

What usually then happens I also notice, is that as I lie there contemplating the day ahead and what is on the agenda, and the anxiety effects those thoughts too. Then worrying about making all the right moves through the day to accomplish what's needed .......  wonder where I got that idea from eh?

So I made a point this morning of realising first the anxiety upon waking up, and noticing how it affects the thoughts that follow. I usually find after that that the only reason I'm feeling anxious is because I woke up feeling that way in the first place. Surely this put a better start to the day.

Today's agenda includes a visit to my GP for me, to get my HIV scripts and a few others, and to get a medical summary report for this new Housing application, as proof that I am actually ill and needing access to the specialists I see and specialist GP, along with all the support needed in the area associated with these conditions.

David has another visit to Centrelink. He went and saw his GP specialist on Friday after we lodged the Centrelink forms, and she did another much more relevant Centrelink doctors certificate. The other one it's taken so long to get this far with it, the thing runs out later this month sometime and there's no way with all the stress of what's happened in just trying to survive red tape nightmares, that he's in any way at all ready to go back to work. Yes, this last 6 weeks of bullshit has made him much worse. The new doctors cert leaves it open ended when he may recover.

Thanks Australia Post. Thanks Births Deaths and Marriages. Thanks BGF. Thanks Centrelink. Are you happy now?

Tomorrow too he has that stupid court thing again, the maliscious charge about an AVO that the bloke made up and the cops have to drag down here from Queensland as he's their only witness. Last time Abbott's internet failed and they couldn't establish a video link between Sydney and outback Queensland. Will be interesting to see if the guy bothers coming down for it. Other than that though I'm really worried about David's capacity to deal with this at the moment. I will of course be going along for moral support.

On Wednesday we have an appt at ACON for a preliminary chat about this new Housing application we're doing. No idea how that will go. The last application fell over right at the end when my daughter suddenly got her really good job and put the house over the income limit to even apply. Um, we don't have that problem this time.

BGF rang me on Friday too wanting to make an appt with them for me and David to go and see the $guru over this new credit card debt. My won't he be pleased to see me again :s  .....  

I'm sure he'll be fine after the situation is explained. There is the thing though of feeling guilt about ending up like this again (albeit nowhere near the debt as last time) but it just wasn't our fault. David has been royally fucked over by his work, being discriminated against for his HIV and pushed out after years of working there. His earnings fell to only about a third of the year before, so much in fact as to be less than my pension amount. No wonder we've been having trouble! And they stopped ringing him, with no warning, at the beginning of May. He's been in limbo, without work or money since then, all this doing more and more damage to his head. How the fuck were we supposed to make ends meet in that?

BTW the Centrelink wait has begun now. If he doesn't get anything by the end of the week we'll have to use the credit card for the rent again.