Wednesday 3 December 2014

Depressed, feeling defeated

Have had a terrible time of it today. As usual I can't specifically place anything as the trigger. Last couple of days have been having terrible nightmares, one in particular was really disturbing. Was back in New Zealand and my father was still alive, mocking my lack of Taranaki toughness and dismissing the HIV as nothing to cry about. FFS. Was so clear.

This morning was so depressed didn't want to get up. Took my pills and straight back to bed. Have cancelled the appt with the social worker about the Emergency Dept complaint, she was very understanding and nice. I just feel defeated and haven't the energy or wherewithal to carry on with it right now. She said we could meet again in the new year if I wanted.

At times one can feel completely overwhelmed by the sheer number of issues being faced. Forced myself to get up about midday, and the cat Natasha came and slept on the bed with me for a while. Told David how I was feeling so he'd know it wasn't anything to do with something he'd done. Just not a good day today.

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