Friday, 18 January 2013

Disclosing depression

Got into a mood the other day. The usual crap. I'd spent some time during the day feeling that sort of stunned feeling again. Like shell shocked. Sitting and staring into space, nothing on, no TV or PC or music. Sometimes it all seems too much, I can't believe everything that's happened to me. The memories haunt.

So I met David after his work as usual, and told him straight out that I wasn't feeling so good in the head. The mood had settled over me for the evening by that stage. Wasn't crying or anything, just quiet and reserved, not exactly the life of the party.

I know what Simon would've said in such a case; "You should be feeling happy now that things are going good". Said to David "Why am I feeling like this? Is there something wrong with me?". 

His response though was of understanding. He made it clear that he understood how I was feeling and that he was there for me. No pressure to be feeling happy, just him there knowing what it's like to feel like I was feeling. 

This continued through the evening, and later on in bed when holding each other it was amazing to have him there.

I suppose I might be having doubts about telling David when I'm feeling depressed, I mean we've not known each other for that long. As with all depression though, simply being able to tell someone without shame or guilt, and to have that person simply be there for you and hold you, knowing how you're feeling.....   

People can be afraid of saying so. People might think they're silly, or there's some severe mental problem. Or even that friend who rang me the other day asking if he'd be taken away from his family over being depressed. It's better if you tell someone how you're feeling. There's nothing wrong with being real with your feelings to someone who cares.

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