Life with mental illness

Have been really tired last couple of days. Just no energy. Didn't realise but I'd pretty much just forgotten to eat for a day and a half. Have had the very bad indigestion and the nausea in the mornings from the pills, didn't feel like eating. 

Went to a very nice little place part of a pub in Oxford St. Had a large piece of Barramundi fillet, grilled, with mashed potatoes and veges. Couldn't eat it all, but forced myself to have all the fish. Was very good value only $12 for good food like that.

Turned out David had also forgotten to eat for a day and a half. These constant similarities can be a bit freaky at times. Other day we compared hands as I think he has beautiful hands, as people had told me about mine. So we put them up against each other, they were fuckin identical in shape, same finger length, everything. That is just out there man. Maybe will take a photo of it and post it here at some point.

There is a major point of difference in us though. Basically, I'm nuts and he isn't. I'd told him from the very start that I was but I don't think he had much of an idea at exactly how fucked up my head is. Have said to him a couple of times that that was a big reason for me giving up on ever having any sort of major relationship again, because my head is a bit far gone darlings. All that oxygen deprivation was a bit to much for my head to completely get over.

We had a bit of an episode the other night. I was starting to think, well it's the same old story again, I'm no good at relationships. Simple as that. I mean I can't figure out my head so I certainly don't expect anyone else to. But he gets what I explain to him about bits and pieces of things. Said he actually knew quite a bit about that sort of thing, I guess from his nursing experience. He even jokes with me about it, that his ex was nuts (well he was really nuts) and then look who he's with now.

One of the things is that I can often come out with some rather inappropriate comments on occasion. Or having a memory like a sive. Or having to write things down that normal people wouldn't. Or asking in the middle of the day what we're doing when I've already been told. Not to mention all the emotional issues. Have been tested cognitively and come up "normal", but anyone who's been around me for a few weeks can see straight out I'm not. 

To be honest I don't want to stress about it. Am doing everything I'm supposed to, like seeing the psychologist, taking the pills, bla bla. This is just me now. No good crying over spilt milk.