Trying to stay above the pain

Had a bit of an episode last night. Understandable given the time of year. Couldn't stop crying for about 20 minutes. Wasn't anything like it used to be, perhaps more of a release than a return to the pain. Wife died just after Mothers Day. This year Mothers Day falls on the exact date she died. Fate can be cruel sometimes. It's like rubbing salt into the wound. Last night for a bit it seemed that no time had passed at all since her death, and I was right back their alone with her as she passed away.

So the pain is still there; that which combined various events over years and became the monster I was facing. All that has changed is the degree at which I can separate myself from it. I guess I'm looking at long term with happy pills and counseling. It's sobering to know just how near that monster is, even after all the efforts over the last 12 months. Certainly I'm far from being independent as I used to be, and will likely need support for years to come. Such I guess was the extent of the mental collapse.

Those words from U2 are particularly meaningful at times like this:

And if your glass heart should crack
And for a second you turn back
Oh no, be strong

Walk on, walk on
What you got, they can't steal it
No they can't even feel it
Walk on, walk on
Stay safe tonight...

(see this post)

Well, enough of that. I'm off to the pub for a few beers :)