*sigh*

I keep wondering why I'm feeling so down. At times I think I should just accept it and ride it out, and other times I want to know WTF is going on with me. Have been feeling like this for about a month now, and it's not getting any better. 

Simon's opinion is that I should get away from here (to visit  him of course) but I'm not very amenable to that assertion. There hasn't been anything happen here recently that would be considered bad. In fact the last few months have been pretty good. The money situation, as disastrous as it was, suddenly got all sorted out in a great flurry. My body is less painful now after finishing work 4 months ago, and is improving slowly still. Am able to relax without any pressure from work, which must surely be a help for my mental state.

Yet I find I'm not wanting to go anywhere much or do anything much at all. Life at the moment involves a trip to the shops for food and probably a beer or 3 at a pub nearby, and then back home. Haven't even been wanting to venture up to Oxford St and the pubs there. There's this constant heaviness that's just bloody stuck there.

Going to see the psychologist in a week or so. Maybe two months in between is a bit long of a gap. It was just that last time I went to see him I felt depressed about going to see him. Fuck! Just can't win.

One thing that does occur to me is that Christmas isn't that far off. Never though about that until last night. Seems pretty early though for the Christmas freak out. Perhaps something is happening subconsciously.

Well, will just have to plod on. So I'm not over the moon right now, these things happen. At least I'm not partying and blowing all my money, blasting ice and whatever else. I've been through worse, will survive. Meantime I have a safe and stable home environment, with the time and space to explore where I'm going in it.