But have been feeling very down for at least a couple of days. Feels like the world is closing in on me, like I'm in some kind of mental prison. It's expected I guess that with the sort of depression I have then there'll be days when it comes and goes, but when it lasts for more than a day the worry and anxiety can start; I sort of get depressed and anxious about being depressed.
And it feels lonely. Was lying in bed last night (went early to bed as felt like I'd just had enough of the day) and felt just terrible. Enclosed somehow, like all the future held was that something bad was going to happen. That horrible feeling of dread. Couldn't shake it. Then I thought maybe I should ring someone, and I couldn't think of a single person I could ring then and there who would have any idea about how bad I felt. In the middle of the biggest city in Australia, and I felt completely alone.
Came to mind a report I'd seen earlier on in the afternoon. About a horse ride/walk for charity and the Black Dog Institute, to raise awareness of depression.
Mr Fernon is raising money to help those with depression and bipolar disorder, inspired by his mother, who experienced severe depression for several years.
"The ride I'm doing, the endurance event really parallels what a lot of people living with depression suffer," he said.
"It is an endurance event and often it feels very lonely." more
An endurance event? Fuck, just what I fuckin need.... Am not exactly very enduring right now. But it is a very good description of depression I think, as often the notion about depression is that it'll just go away after time and never come back. Or that when situations improve it'll go. Simon has said a few times to me that I "should be feeling happy now". It just doesn't work like that. I wish it did.
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment