This is starting to get a bit scary. It's been 2 or 3 days now. I'm "going into myself" as S has put it. It's the court date next week that's doing it. Am scared of it. This is the third time in 2 and a half years. Just want to be home; the walls around me, safe.
It makes me worried about what I face, dumbfounded at what I have gone through already. Doubting I can face more.
Wondering how the fuck I'm still alive. All that adversary already. How did I ever get through that? How will I ever get through this?
Have survived against the odds. Skin of my teeth. When I put the plastic bags on my head, I hoped that there'd be some hope...
Now I fear this is just too much again.
S is saying he's coming down sooner now. I hope so. I could really use the support.
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