It hasn't been a good 24 hours. Yesterday I was sick, going at both ends, and in the evening couldn't stay away from the toilet. I was also incredibly depressed, for no apparent reason that I myself could ascertain. At one point I said to David "Darling, I feel soooo fuckin depressed. And I don't even know why." He hasn't been too thrilled in general himself lately either. Said to him we make a good pair don't we.
During the night David couldn't sleep and went to the loungeroom to watch some telly. He saw a flea (that's another story) and sprayed the surface spray I bought. It's bloody potent shit, about $10 a can but it kills every bug imaginable. Unfortunately it turns out he's allergic to it when it's being sprayed and he had a big coughing fit at about 2am. It went on and on, I came out to see how he was. He reckoned it was going to pass and not to worry. Came out later to check on him and he was better, but had coughed up fluid from his throat and nearly filled a glass up with it. I said to him WTF happened? Reckoned he must have accidentally directly inhaled it when it was spraying.
So I went back to bed and he came soon after and we both fell back to sleep, but a sound sleep was not to be for me. I had the worst nightmares. Really vivid. Sort of a Sci Fi theme, where a group of us had crash landed on a planet far from earth. There were horrible monsters there, creatures that were ruthless and effective hunters that pursued us. Eventually we found a part of the planet without these creatures and which had peaceful people that had lived there for years without encountering them, who'd cleared the forest for farming. We settled in that area but the creatures started moving in there too and attacking us. It went on like that. By the time I woke up I felt utterly terrible. Like I was still in this dream.
This morning is now one of those times where I try and focus on the present reality, and shake off the mood that's moved on me in the last day. I'm feeling anxiety, depression, and unsettled. I'm assuming it's to do with the time of year, although my daughters bullshit has obviously added to it. We were talking earlier David and I about her and I said straight out I can't have her back here again if she finds herself evicted or something. Simply, I just can't go through this shit another time.
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