The price of the closet

I've not really been thinking about this at all the last 24 hours, rather the thoughts have invaded my consciousness. Particularly as someone who has jumped the fence, it's with fairly recent memories that I decided to engage in sexual exploration. I guess I was always curious about the other side of things, my first experience with a guy was in Auckland at 17. Spent the night at a guys place who picked me up when I was walking home late at night from work in the inner city. This was way back in the very late 70's. He screwed me and although I was curious it hurt a lot. After that I decided to stick with girls. 

After my wife died I was come on to by a guy in a chance thing at a pub. Being open minded and much older, I decided to go with it. And after that I decided I wanted to see what the gay part of me was all about. It obviously was there as part of my sexuality I thought. You only get one life don't you, and after all the years of trauma I was happy to experiment and discover different things. There were the issues of old family friends and particularly my daughter, but when the time was right I was open about what I was doing. This is after all, eastern Sydney FFS. If anyone had a problem then that was there fault.

Today I'm still on that same path of discovery. I don't think it will ever end. IMO sexuality can't be put into a box, labeled, and made out to be what you are forever more. "Gay" IMO can be as much a label as "straight". There's many in between's, and much evolution in people's lives. A persons sexuality may be in flux or quite rigidly defined, but there's no universal label I reckon. I still am finding new paths and new things that I like. 

And then there are others.....   Others who live in the same open minded environment as me in eastern Sydney. Here, very few care less about you being gay, which I guess was a big reason why I felt so free exploring sex. Sydney has I've been told the 2nd highest per capita of gays in the world, second only to San Fransisco (BTW eastern Sydney also has a very high HIV rate among gays, not straights, gays; one in 5 are positive). But anyway, despite the open society, there are still people here in the closet.

And it's tragic. I thought I was fuckin tragic, but I got nothing on these guys. At least I was brave enough to admit I wanted to have sex with men. These guys in the closet have sex with men but pretend to be straight. Live a lie. 

Sometimes they're not even in a relationship with a girl. Sometimes they are free to do what they want, but are bound by their own inner fear and self hatred of how they feel. They open the door to their sexuality, but never enter. They live in a world of fear and horror; the fear of being caught going too far, and the horror of that fear.

Sometimes they get used by savvy guys. Guys who themselves are confused sexually, and can see the same signs in their victim. They lead him on. They string him out. They give the hint. But they never fulfill it. They use him up, and in the end won't give a fuck about him. And he who can't simply go out and look for someone who declares themselves gay, is used up.

His friendships fail. Those who really care about him are cast aside as he blindly follows his latest boy. His latest frustrated hidden desire. The boy can do no wrong, and his friends are all wrong. His friends leave.

It'd be better if he just said he was happy to explore himself sexually, and if people didn't like it then they could fuck off. He would get much respect and acceptance, his friends would gather and support him. But he chooses not to. He ends up isolated and alone.

This is just some of the cost of the closet.  

That's life

Went to the Infectious Diseases clinic at the hospital yesterday and had a very good result. As things have gone so well with my health lately (CD4 count over 700, and the kidneys near normal again) that they recommended I simply see my GP for the quarterly blood tests. That's about all I'm getting done there now. My GP specialises in dealing with HIV along with the centre he's at. That's also where I'm taking part in the study of how HIV affects the brain. I know that many positive gay guys get treated at that centre, it's just that I was diagnosed at another STD clinic and was going through there afterwards. Since the Great Kidney Collapse of 2011, all previous arrangements went out the window and most of my treatment for everything was through the hospital. Now I'll be able to simply go to my doctor and have everything done there. 

I'm really bloody pleased about this. There's a lot of things about that hospital that have very bad memories for me. Apart from the horror involved when I was in delirium, there was also things like where the ID's clinic was for example; about two doors down from the hospital room where my late wife spent months in as she slowly died, and where she had the heart attack. The GP is at a nice medical centre away from all that, with a lovely atmosphere in the place. I'll email him in the next few days. The clinic is going to send him a letter summarising everything, along with the results of the blood taken yesterday. 

This is going to mean a big difference for me in my treatment. Going to your doctor is a lot different than walking through a hospital. It will make me feel much more normal somehow. Things like that are important to me, as I'm still rather nuts darlings. Keeping things pleasant helps.

I was reminded by an incident yesterday that yes, I'm still pretty out there. It was a mean comment by someone, probably not worth the bother of stressing out about (given the nature of the person who said it). But for some reason it must have triggered something in my mind, I dunno even what it might have been linked to. But I got home a bit later after shopping and got really upset about it. 

Had an episode dears, a full on one. Went to bed and just couldn't stop crying. I thought maybe I'm overly sensitive or something, but it was more than that; a trigger in my head that went right off. Hate crying like that, as it doesn't help. It just takes you further into the pain and you cry more. Haven't had such an episode in a long time (well probably over 6 months ago) and it was intense. Went on for about an hour before I was able to settle down. Sort of stunned by the suddenness and strength of what had just happened, and that I had no control over it. Perhaps it's part of Post Traumatic Stress, or maybe to do with the brain injury beginning of last year, I dunno. 

Went to sleep, and slept OK for a while, until later near morning I was dreaming horribly. In it I was crying like I had earlier, and woke up crying. It was fuckin horrible. All over a fuckin trigger FFS! Yes, I'm still a bit nuts it appears. 

Still vulnerable. But I can't expect people to remember that. Fucks sake half the time people forget I even have HIV I look so well. People are going to say things sometimes I guess. That's life isn't it.

End of the time off

I'm back at work tomorrow. Can't say I'm thrilled to bits about it. Most probably though I'll be fine once I get there. The hardest thing these days with work is getting up at 6am in the morning to get there. Will have to set the alarm I think, as the alarm cat has gotten used to me sleeping much later. 

The odd person is saying that maybe I should go back to full time as I seem to be a lot better now health wise. I dunno though. It was as much about me hating the factory manager and what he's done to the place, as it was about my health. Some of all that time off last year I'd have to admit was simply because I didn't like the idea of going to work at a place with less and less staff, and more and more pressure. And for what? So the shareholders could line their pockets?  

I just don't want to work there at all. At least though I can keep it down to only 3 days. That's enough of an effort to make for assholes. I'll be 50 this year too (OMG I don't believe I will actually make it!) and that's really starting to get up there for the sort of work I'm doing, even if I didn't have HIV.

Rang this morning and got an appt with the $guru next Tuesday as requested. I've had another hiccup though; I need to print out my latest bank stuff of what I owe, but the printer has for some reason beyond my comprehension, shit itself, and won't print a thing. Tried everything that I can figure, the only thing left would be a complete un-installation and reinstalling it from scratch. Ugh, I dread to think... looks like I'll have to give it a go though. Or maybe I could look online to see if I can update the drivers...... hmmmmm..... the plot thickens. Or maybe I'll just go to an internet cafe and do it, I only need three pages done, can't cost much.

This afternoon I have an appt with the HIV doctors at the hospital. Fuck that came around quick! I'm so sick of going to bloody clinic appts. Had my fair share of them last year. I suppose they're just doing their job. Will try and make it quick this time, usually lasts about 20 minutes to half an hour in with the doctor, and then to the blood taking place downstairs to have about a bazillion vials filled as they test for every disease known to man, or some shit like that. I'm just over it. My CD4 count has been wonderful, maybe I can ask them to have longer between appts. Although I do find it very convenient to be checked for STD's regularly.

Dumb fucks

Slept like crap last night. Got woken up at about 1am by people talking outside on the street, but it wasn't that loud so I just sort of didn't bother worrying about it. But it kept going, then would stop, then would start again just as I was nearly back to sleep. And on and on and on like that. In the end I looked at the clock and it was nearly 2am, WTF? Pulled the curtains, and there sitting on the from brick fence (see picture last post outside my bedroom window) was some guy all relaxed with his feet up on the fence. His other mate was sitting on the footpath.

I dunno they may have had a few, who knows, but I pulled open the window and told them to go talk somewhere else, I was trying to sleep, and it was bloody 2am. They left. Then I was so awake and pissed off about it I couldn't go back to sleep for ages. What a couple of fuckin morons. So today I'm pretty tired and grumpy. Nobody better fuck with me today.

Got up, daughter had done the dishes and fed the cat. I dunno what's going through that cats head sometimes. It's always been a bit weird. It seems to have developed this weird way of looking at the world; upside down. Came out of the bedroom in the morning the other day and it was lying in the hallway next to the front door, upside down, just looking at things.

Strange. It's like it's fascinated by being upside down.

But I digress. So I just went straight and started fucking around on the net. Had to ring the ISP as they've signed me up for a new plan and when I logged in to make sure the details were right they'd gotten my address wrong. So then I had to call the help centre, in India of course (where else?). Can change all my other details online, all except my address. All it needed was one digit changed from a 2 to a 1. Then it was all too hard for the girl there and she had to get her supervisor. Then I was put on hold, so went and got the speaker phone to listen to their elevator music. Then she came back and said it was going to take a while. I said just send me an email when it's done. I got no email, but it's been done.

I sort of didn't want to bother but as the plan is a lot cheaper I don't really have much choice, not with my $ situation. At the moment I get the land line phone through Telstra which is usually about $50 a month, and the net through the ISP at $35 a month (for 100 gigs, goes through the landline, fast ADSL2+). This way I'll get both the land line phone and the net all through the ISP at $50 capped. I'm keeping my pre-paid mobile with Telstra.  

Starting the new year

Feeling completely different than yesterday. Got up before 8 and opened the curtains. Not exactly a picturesque view, 

 but a bright sunny day with light flooding into the bedroom. The grass and trees in the middle are from decades ago when they used to have trams. Dunno why they got rid of them, bloody stupid. The tree in the middle of the pic has rainbow lorikeets in it seasonally.

The tree comes out in red things and they eat them. Haven't seen them lately but when the tree is covered in red they go there at the crack of dawn, squawking all about the branches and stuffing their beaks. It's funny as they don't stay too long and soon move onto another tree; it's like they know if they eat everything in one day the tree can't grow more by next morning. 

Opened the bedroom window. Still not too hot outside. Pleasant but not stifling. Very strange this summer as usually by Jan and Feb we're all about to faint from the heat. Can't say I'm complaining. I remember what last summer was like and I just got hugely sick of sweating all the time and the humidity that you could just about taste. 

I don't usually feel different on new years day. This time though it does feel different. Am almost too scared to hope after everything that's happened, in case it's just going to be another disappointment.  

Hooray! It's over!

And so ends a year of horror.

 (more pics here) 

I'm certainly glad to see the back of 2011.  

Typical

Have been feeling very strange today. Fearful. Uneasy. Like something's not right. Stayed at home all day. Spent most of it in bed. Didn't want to leave the bedroom. 

Is New years eve. I'm not going anywhere or doing anything. Don't feel like celebrating or socialising at all. Would rather just be at home alone. That way I don't have to pretend. To put on a fake mask and make it look like I'm enjoying myself, when inside are the memories and pain. All the bad shit seems to happen to me around Christmas and the new year.

Last year I'd been out of hospital only since Christmas eve. I have a vague memory of being tired and going to bed at about 9pm on new years eve. I never woke up. Went into a coma or something. My daughter found me the next evening after the hospital had rung her to check on me, as I'd missed a very important dialysis appt new years day. I was barely alive. Had developed pneumonia and my heart was very erratic and weak. She rang the ambulance and I went into the ICU. Was on a ventilator for 2 days, and one friend who came and saw me said they were discussing the option of pulling the plug. 

But as usual I survived. Typical. Eventually I woke up, but didn't know where I was or how I'd got there. It was the most horrible thing. All I wanted to do was go home. I was hallucinating from delirium, and had suffered some level of brain damage from lack of oxygen. Couldn't talk properly, and even standing up I was having trouble balancing. Fuck that was a bad time.

Daughter has gone out to a new years eve party down the road at her friends. It's the classic thing, the guys parents are away and don't know he's having this party. Now he's realised he's in over his head as there's about 30 people turning up, which was much more than he was planning. She's been around there today helping organise the house. They had to move the mega expensive leather lounge out of the way, cripes! She's used a whole bottle of Vodka making jelly shots (or "jello" for the Americans). I'd never heard of it before. The Vodka gets mixed up in jelly and poured into a shot glass, then sets in the fridge. She made 100 of them! Fuck they're all going to end up plastered.

A very nice walk

Went to the doctors today and had him certify my ID stuff for the gov bureaucracy that will be getting the application re my super funds. He couldn't believe how much stuffing around it's been so far; about 3 months to finally get to the point of filling out the application itself. He took my blood pressure which was a bit high at first but after another couple of times the reading was OK. Gave me another prescription for the extra blood pressure pills he put me on the other month. Had me get on the scales too as I told him I'd been loosing weight and was starting to get a bit worried about it. He said it was OK though as it's fine to be a bit underweight.

My appt was at 12, and it was such a nice day afterwards I decided to walk through Hide Park and get the bus home from the other side of it. Hide Park is in the city not far from my doctors. I've been there before obviously, but I was amazed this time at how green everything was. We've had way more rain than normal this December, and it's been the coldest December in decades. I've been here since 1985 and I can't remember it ever being this cold. Haven't had the air conditioner on in the bedroom once this month. Last night I even turned on the electric blanket, unheard of in December. 

I got really interested in the contrast between the city buildings and all this intense greenery. I've never seen the park look so alive. 

I like the one of Centrepoint a lot, sort of coming out from behind the trees. 

This was in the middle of the park, the trees growing over the top of the walkway completely. The breeze was lovely under there.

The war memorial was looking at it's best today too.

Usually December is stifling hot and many plants are struggling for life around the place. Today was a nice temp and full of life. A very nice walk.

Running to stand still

Having some extra time with not going to work. I watched the DVD ZOOTV Live from Sydney. I've not watched it for well over a year. This has particular importance for me as I was there at the actual concert, along with my late wife. She in fact was in a lot of pain as her morphine pump had failed (it was very new technology back then) and was having to rely on giving herself morphine injections in her buttocks for pain control. I remember she did so in the stands as they were playing. I got a bit freaked out as a security guard was standing right behind us as she drew the morphine up into the needle and injected her behind. I guess as it was all in medical vials it must have looked un-criminal. 

The One song on the right is from that exact concert. It expresses how my wife and I felt about people, and how we bought up our daughter. As a family we were always sympathetic to the plight of people around us, and aware that we were all part of one human race. 

I was quite taken watching Running to stand still last night. It's about drugs of course, but more broadly about addiction. But yeah, I can so relate to the drug thing, and how sometimes it was the only way to stop the pain. How that you take it, and then everything's OK for a while. You can't think about tomorrow, you just need the pain to stop now. The drugs in a sense played a part in not suiciding, as strange as that may sound. They stopped me hurting for a while and I could breath. 

That was just me. That was where I was, and how I dealt with it. Drugs were easily accessible and part of life. I used them to forget. 

He does it well in the video, after he blasts the drugs that's exactly how it is. Hold your arm for a sec to stop the blood, then feel the rush. Feel the pain melt away. And know that for a while you won't have to deal with it. It's often why people take drugs. I suppose it's better than suicide. You're not going anywhere though, life just stays in a holding pattern. Well worse if the drugs get out of control, which they often do.

Um, don't try this at home darlings!

 

Jumping through hoops

Started filling out the dreaded form. It seems reasonably easy, but the ID thing has been a hassle. They gave only 3 examples on the form of who can certify photocopied documents as being true to the originals, to prove my identity. I was sure that my doctor could do it, but all the form said was there was a complete list on their website. No direct link to where it is on their website, just a link to the home page.

http://www.humanservices.gov.au/ 

Of course it was like looking for a needle in a haystack. Tried searching in their wonderful looking search box they have there, but either got some weirded out things that weren't related or nothing at all. Sheesh! In the end I gave up and just Googled. Even that took a while to find the right thing, but eventually I found it, with medical practitioners listed as a profession that can certify documents. So I rang and made an appt for Friday. Don't feel like traipsing over there in the next day or 2. 

Fuck this shit better work after all this hassle. What's it been about 2 months or so? can't remember, think maybe longer, and I've only just now got to the point of filling out the application. How many more bloody hoops do they want me to jump through FFS? I mean it's my money. I'll be able to draw on it without a problem in only about 7 years anyway. Why the hell should I have to go through all of this when it's my money anyway? It's not like I'm wanting to get it out to have a spending spree. I have a life threatening illness and am unable to work the hours to service the debt anymore. A very simple thing, yet this is like some War and Peace bullshit. 

Dunno where I'd be without the $guru. He's been so good. Really knows his stuff. I'd not have had a hope in hell of negotiating with the banks, or knowing how to get the calls from India to stop. Likely I'd have just gone into the bank and told them all to get fucked. Wouldn't have accomplished anything, but would've made me feel a lot better. The guru has also put his name on the form I'm filling out now as the person to contact. So I won't even have to worry about hassling around with that. I could just imagine some bureaucrat in Canberra ringing me about some crazy detail on page 6 or some shit.

Wasn't too bad shopping yesterday. I was in and out quickly. Must have lucked out and got there at the right time. Will get a few more things today. Am trying to take things very easy, sort of do the holiday thing. Don't go back to work until Wed next week. Might try and do a bit more reading of that book, or watching some TV. It happened again yesterday for a bit, found myself sitting on the lounge with nothing on and just staring into space. Sort of like paralyzed in the head. Maybe The Form has fried my brain?    

Superannuation Form

I've gotten in the mail The Form from the money guru, to apply to get some of my superannuation released to pay off my debts.

It's from the Dept of Human Services, whatever that is. Some gov bureaucracy. It is entitled "Early release of superannuation on Specified Compassionate Grounds - medical, dental or transport". What a mouth full. It's 9 pages long, and a total of 42 questions. Some of it the guru has crossed off as NA as I'm not applying for dental or transport costs. It still looks pretty bloody daunting though. 

On top of that I have to provide the usual proof of identity, which means getting certified copies made of my Australian citizenship document, and some other things to satisfy them that I am actually me. A hassle in itself. Going to have to look up online for the full list of who I can go to to certify the copies. I don't want to go anywhere near the antichrist police station. I think my doctor will be able to, not sure.  

On top of that I have to provide up to date amounts from the 3 debts as to how much they are presently. That should be easy, will just print out shit from online. Oh, the printer's out of ink, better go get some more. 

The guru is on leave until the 9th, and wants me to make an appt on the 10th to see him. It's closed right now so will have to wait till it's open. Think next week it will be. Oh shit, just noticed that clashes with the HIV head study and the 2 hour psychologist in the afternoon. Will see if I can make the guru a morning appt, if not will have to reschedule the other. 

The pub was open yesterday and so had some beers up there. The supermarket and the whole local mall was still shut yesterday, WTF? Understand Christmas day, but the day after as well? The whole fuckin mall, doors shut tight, a note on them, dark inside and dead as a doornail. And the bloody retailers are complaining about having a tough time of it lately! Going to be fuckin fun today going in there then isn't it. Every man and his dog will be there buying shit. All I need is a few things from the supermarket so hopefully won't be too bad. 

Today is another public holiday here. As Christmas day fell on Sunday then Monday is counted as a holiday. Boxing day as well was on Monday so Tues is also that holiday. They will be back at my work tomorrow, better ring them to make sure they got my doc cert for last Friday. I ended up emailing it directly to the payroll office as everyone else the message was returned saying they were on leave. 

Holding on to music

Christmas is over, thank fuck. Had a very quiet day at home on my own. Suppose could have gone out but really don't think it've been fair on other people. I just wasn't good company yesterday, better off simply being alone. No mood to celebrate anything. Looks like it's always going to be a day of sadness for me. 

Watched a bit of telly last night before bed. Couldn't sleep till late as the pubs were all closed and couldn't get a beer. Was incredible yesterday, absolutely everything was shut. Evidently you aren't allowed to have fun on Christmas day. I wasn't that fussed though as to be honest didn't even feel like socialising at the pub. On TV it wasn't too bad as they've got the extra digital channels now, not like the bad old days when every fuckin channel had Christmas crap on it. Watched a thing called Megastructures, which I thought was quite interesting, and a very funny thing from England called The Royles, a total piss take of Christmas get togethers. Laughed a lot during that one. First time I'd had the telly on in a week, was quite a novelty.

My mouth is feeling much better this morning. It's been very sore the last few days, and I ended up with mouth ulcers. Have been gargling with that special antiseptic mouthwash that I got from the chemist. Like I've said have gotten mouth ulcers all my life, think it has to do with stress or something. I'd guess the lead up to, and including, Christmas day has had something to do with it. Just so glad the day is over now.

Have dropped a bit more weight because last few days has hurt a lot to eat with the mouth the way it was. One day there all I had was some cake and even that hurt like hell. Even the blueberries were stinging the fuck out of it. Have dropped another 2 kilos. That makes a total of about 5 kilos (11 pounds) in the last 3-4 months. I had the Yellow Slime Disease as well during that time. I Don't feel bad for it, but I'd not want to keep losing it like that as I'm not heavy anyway. Only 65 kilos now (143 pounds).

Came across an excellent quote this morning. Woke up early at 6 and couldn't go back to sleep, so read some of the book on the bedside table. Hardly ever read, am trying to get back into it as they tell me I should re-develop my interests. Usually I just end up sitting there sort of paralyzed and staring into space. But anyway made the effort. Daughter bought the book for me a while back, all about U2, this chapter about Bono growing up. 

It's very interesting as he talks about the effect music was having on him during very difficult times:

Much later, when I was about fifteen, I remember going into a bit of a tormented teenager phase. One of the things that really would still my soul was playing piano. I couldn't actually play it but I used to put my foot on the pedal and hit keys and I remember how the room would change shape, because the note would get this cloud of reverb around it, become cathedral-like. I remember those icy notes at the top of the keyboard really made me feel better. I think I have held on to music very tightly while my head was exploding.
U2 By U2

I can't play anything, but there's no doubt that music has had a huge effect on me. Particularly when times have been bad. I does change things. It has helped me get through. It can represent my feelings sometimes as nothing else can. It can take me to another place away from the abyss. It can move me at the deepest levels. 

And sometimes it's just fun to listen to. 

 

Blog wars

For you Cam:

From the World Youth Day protest against the Pope we had here a while back. Oh look, girlie gays, but they're not getting bashed Cam. WTF? Oh yeah, that's right, they're accepted. 

 

Survival

Here we are, Christmas day. *Yawns* At least things are different than last Christmas. I was just out of hospital then after my first near death episode. Fumbling about the house, tubes coming out of my chest, having trouble balancing and even remembering familiar objects in the house. I was a fuckin mess. Fluid intake was capped at about 1 litre a day, and I had to measure each coffee or glass of water I had. And I was doing dialysis 3 times a week at the hospital as my kidney's were majorly fucked. 

Today my kidney blood results are near normal again, and most of my brain has come back (I think!). Pretty much back to my old self I guess. Much to the surprise of the doctors at the hospital I might add. They've only told me recently after getting the really good blood results that they were really worried about me at  the start. I'd have to say I agree with my GP, that I appear to be like a cat with 9 lives. Just don't seem to be able to cark it.

I realised yesterday after a bit of a confrontation with someone, that after going through all of that (pretty much been to hell and back darlings), just how short my fuse is if someone starts judging me or moralising to me about what sort of person I am. I have absolutely no time or patience for such people. 

Who I am now is the result of years of struggle and pain. Be it good or bad, that's part of my character now. I won't listen to, much less take to heart, anyone who for whatever reason thinks they're better than me and are critical of me. These people likely wouldn't last even a few months dealing with what I've had to. At times it's been a struggle for my very survival, against suicide. If they don't like who I am, that's their problem. At least I'm still alive. 

It's a warm sunny day in Sydney. 26C (78F). Lovely sea breeze. 

 Looks bad up north, they're on cyclone alert up there. 

Australian trial may point to future cure?

Was emailing earlier and remembered about an article I read recently. It's only early stages of course and much of it seems to be theoretical, but it was interesting to read and see what future drugs may hold for HIV+ people. It's in the Spring edition of Positive Living, page 4:

I'm not holding my breath though. Even if everything was as they're theorising,  a cure would still be a long way off. It would also involve a multi-pronged attack with some very powerful drugs too. It may work for most people, but likely there'd be some not suitable for such treatment. Yes, we have come a long way in HIV treatment, but it can be a very complicated disease to manage even today.

I will be having a very quiet Christmas day tomorrow. Daughter has gone down the coast to her uncle's place, who has organised for her and her brother (who has driven down from Queensland, about 1,500 km drive I'd say) to be there. He's not been down for years as he spent years in jail up there. Yes, he's a total fuckwit, and I'm glad I'm not going. But he is her brother and she does want to see him. She knows he's a fuckwit too, but it is good for them to do the family thing. Hope it doesn't end up in some big screaming match around the Christmas table.....

I've been a bit sick last few days. Dunno, might be something to do with stress, or having the shits with the week. Have had diarrhea on and off all week, and last 3 days my mouth has gotten sore. Seemingly for no reason, painful and red. Hurts a bit to talk. Doctor I saw yesterday didn't think I needed any antibiotics, probably best, as it would be better for my immune system to get the exercise so to speak.