A bad night

Ugh, terrible. Woke up middle of the night with the bed wet from it. Got diarrhea, came from nowhere. Had to change the sheets and then almost too scared to go back to sleep unless it happened again. Put a towel down and an old spare sheet on top. Had stopped by morning after many visits to the toilet. Fuck I'm glad S wasn't here in bed for that, I'd have been so upset. 


So far haven't been missing S too badly and appear to be copping fine with the time apart. It's still a daunting thing to not have him here especially at such a bad time of year, but it can't be helped. He had to go back to attend to things at his home in the country. I should I suppose remind myself I've gotten through this before in previous years on my own. Being anxious and scared is understandable but to have gotten this far does show some sort of resilience and strength of character. I should give myself credit for that. And perhaps S and I's time apart is one reason why we get on so well when we're together? Who knows....


So far no more episodes of anxiety, been a week today since the last one that came out of the blue. Just taking it one day at a time.