I tried my hardest. Tried not to get involved. Not to have any kind of meaningful relationship. Tried so hard for the possibility of more pain not happening. It has however all come to naught. He's got past all my barriers. I surrender. I love him.
I am of course completely petrified. Scared shitless in fact (at least that will help douching). It's a risk, and a big one. With love can come hurt. And in the past much much hurt. But I only live once, and life is way too short to pass this by. A shared love between us like this is the rarest of experiences.
I've always been a risk taker (no wonder I ended up with HIV). Never done things in halves. S and I both don't quite know where to go from here, but we both realise the closeness and love that we feel for each other. We both now want to live together, and neither of us have any fuckin idea how to do this; so separate are our lives. But we must, at some future time do so.
He will be leaving likely Sunday to go back to Lightning Ridge and organise things up there. I will see him next in the Christmas break, where I'll travel to see him and he drive us back to Sydney.
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