Frustrated.

Have been trying not to get down about this, but I'm starting to get frustrated and grumpy about it all. Has happened at the worst possible time (how fuckin typical of me) with Simon here. All we had was one sex session after he arrived, then I got bloody sick. Fuck it pisses me right off.

It's really sore the rash now as the Shingles goes through it's phases. Looks like a very bad case in light of what I've seen online. I'll post a latest photo tomorrow, suppose I might as well document the shit. Hurts like hell just to touch. That along with all the fuckin aching muscles. Why, of all times, did this have to fuckin happen now FFS?

I was really looking forward to a period of genuine intimacy with Simon this visit. As he was. And can tell he's annoyed with the situation. I keep apologising for being such a stick in the mud. I know he has trouble understanding, he even mentioned the both of us going to Ken's the other night as he thought the spa pool might help. WTF? They wouldn't let me in looking like this, and any blokes there would run a fuckin mile at the sight of it. 

Today he was wanting to do something, go somewhere, get out of the house sort of thing. The last thing I feel like doing is go gallivanting around. Tired from the pills and the pain. Just want to be home and relax. 

When I went to the hospital other day and was diagnosed correctly, he'd that day commented that he couldn't believe how many illness's I get. Sort of be more positive in the head and things like that. Then I come home from Emergency with fuckin morphine tablets! Like, "Do you believe me now?".

But it's upsetting. I wanted his stay this time to be good, and it's all turned to shit.

Anyway, he was to be going back early next week. He's stranded here for at least another week though as Lightning Ridge has been cut off from flooding. I hope I improve in that time to at least have some sort of intimacy with him.