Monday, 11 June 2018

Our new vacuum is totally orgasmatronic & way better than The RipOff Guys one :)

Orgasmatronic vacuum cleaner :)

The last dramatic post about this long running saga is here.

Soooooooo...........  (read the last post first if you so desire to fully understand the background of this post).

 I waited and waited, checking my junk mail and all, for two days for the email Godfrey's said they would send after the vacuum was shipped, with the tracking number etc. Nothing came.

On the second day David happened to check the letterbox outside that snail mail comes in and that I don't check at all anymore because it's all online. I'm glad he does a couple of times a week though, as this time there was a very strange message from a courier that we'd never heard of :S

It was some kind of drop off card like couriers leave when nobody answers the door. But fuck it was weird. All it said was that some parcel was for "Peter" (no last name) in barely legible handwriting, and a very strange address in a local Timbuktu address barely accessible by buses. Not our address. 

What's more the microscopic instructions of what to do about it had been written over a bit by the writing of the Timbuktu address. I'm 56 with one eye that works (waiting for cataract surgery). I could barely read the microscopic writing itself in good light, let alone a ball point pen writing over it with the width of a whole line. 

David and I thought it was very strange and couldn't get our head around WTF this bizarre A6 card in our letterbox was. I took the card to the bright kitchen light (it was raining heavily and dark outside although it was day so the kitchen light was better) and by much effort I ascertained the internet address on the card. It was poorly coloured on top of small writing making the thing nearly impossible for me to see, but hey I persevered for the sake of my humanity in 2018, ha ha!

After slowly recognising each letter at a time, I was able to type in the web address for "Couriers Please", even going so far as to get all the forward slashes right and go straight to searching the number thingy that would enlighten me as to WTF'in hell this strange card that appeared in my letterbox was :S

I did the search and it said that they tried to deliver it earlier in the day. That's about all I got off it, apart from that they'd delivered it to the Timbuktu address on the card. Good grief. I thought the courier had seriously fucked up, and why the card in our letterbox?

So I rang their 800 number..... We both honestly thought it was a big mistake by them and were doing them a favour by helping them sort it all out. Alas that was not the case. 

The good news is that I figured out how to us the speaker function on the big button phone I got the other month (the instructions for that were truly microscopic and entirely unreadable, even by David). The bad news is that I was put through to a snarky stressed out Australian lady who was unrelenting in her snarkiness. I mean by that that she spoke incredibly nasally in an overbearingly snarky way. Basically she was totally pissed off answering the phone from confused angry people (like me) and had enough.

Long story short she (eventually) informed me that we didn't answer our door early in the morning (BTW we were both asleep in the bedroom very near the front door and David is a very light sleeper) and so the courier had dropped it off "nearby". Yep, you guessed it folkes, at the Timbuktu address for bus people like us.

I had to Google the Newsagent place (where the courier had dropped it off) as I had no idea where it was. I had to go to the satellite view to get some idea but I was still having trouble finding out where the hell this was. Eventually I found a bus on Sydney bus's trip planner that went that way from Maroubra Junction once an hour

I couldn't believe this shit. WTF? It'd been easier if they'd dropped it off in the city, or Bondi Junction, or any-fuckin-where but Timbuktu! The whole reason why we ordered it online was to get it delivered, not to traipse around to a place where public transport barely went! Unbelievable! But that place was the "nearest" place the courier company had an agreement with to drop stuff off. *sheesh*

Anyway, another long story short, we obtained the vacuum cleaner, plugged it in, and away we went. 

The Rip Off Guys vacuum made two attempts at vacuuming the lounge room rug, the combined effort on both attempts equaled about two thirds of the rug before the vacuum failed. Twice. They sent us the same vacuum as replacement for the first. I recognised the box.

This new one is an extreme wonder of new technological orgasmatronic-ness! The last one I got was cyclo-nic but this one is orgasmic cyclo-tronic. We've cleaned most of the house so far, and I think it's about two large rubbish bags of dust by now it's totally cycloned off the place. It's been a while; the other vacuum was on it's last legs for months, and we went through this BS thing with The Fuckwit Guys Who Sell Cheap Shit That Doesn't Work At Exorbitant Prices

What the fuckwit guys did enraged me, as we do need a good functioning vacuum cleaner as David is allergic to dust. He's been coughing so much in recent times to the point of passing out for 30 seconds or so from lack of oxygen; the coughing in so bad. His doctor has identified it as "cough apnea". Like sleep apnea but coughing. 

So this is a medical condition really for David. I could wade through dust without a sniffle. But not him.

Anyway I don't want to belabour the point. Vacuum works great. David hasn't coughed and passed out since. Hooray! :)