I am not a bad person

Have been thinking further about the court dramas and the hate speech involved in the the message containing the death threat. In particular, the word "faggot" was used. 

As I mentioned I found the message initially quite funny. I have very black humour. However after some thought it's not so funny given the history of the word, and the way it was used; as a vehicle for his hatred. 

In the inquisition of Europe, when witches were
being burned, among those sought out for
burning were gay people. They were required to
gather the very "bundles of sticks" (the real
meaning of a faggot) with which they would be
burnt. When the faggots (sticks) were running
out, gay men were thrown on the fire to keep it
going for the witches. Faggot came to mean gay
man to force them into the closet for fear of
death. Scary, huh? Think about what you are
saying -- who you are offending when say this
word, even if in jest to a friend.
Link 

I would say it's also a trigger in the back of some people's minds to the guilt that may be involved in being who you are; ie gay. It's a way to bully and intimidate, and a way to attack the self esteem of a gay person, particularly if that gay person has grown up in a closed minded environment that rejects gays as bad people. 

Then add to that the reference in the message sent to me, to me being HIV+, and there is a double whammy attack on my self esteem. I don't particularly feel guilty about being gay, as eastern Sydney is very accepting of different sexualities. Probably why being called faggot didn't trigger much at all in my head. But I'd have to admit the reference to my HIV status did make me wonder why I felt so badly about that being used against me.

It was because of the trigger to feelings of guilt about getting it, and having it. That I was a bad person for having it. That it was all my fault. It was why the court events were so meaningful to me on Thursday, as it was pretty much being said to me that I wasn't a bad person, that I didn't deserve to be attacked like that, and in fact he was the bad person for doing so. 

There's also an interesting comment about the word "faggot" here:
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