Standing up for myself

Lately I've been sort of observing in my behaviour an nonacceptance of being treated like shit. I was talking to a friend yesterday about it. I think it might be part of some kind of mental recovery process, probably linked to self esteem? 

I have been realising of late that I'm not a bad person, even though I have HIV. Even though I've gone through the wringer over and over, and likely suffered mental illness because of it, I'm still not a bad person. Just because I'm a damaged unit doesn't mean I should just accept whatever people might do to me without question. 

My life has worth. I have worth as an individual. Particularly after all I've been through, I just won't accept anymore, bad treatment. From anyone. I don't deserve it, and I won't take it anymore. Perhaps the lesson about standing up for myself in regards to the death threat has been a catalyst for further progress. 

And this week I did something that I feel very good about. I ditched two (so called) friends who were treating me badly. One I've known for over two years. The situation has been building over the last weeks, and it got to the point on Thursday that I decided enough was enough. I told them not to contact me anymore. Made it clear how annoyed I was with them. Stuck to my guns. The friendships were now over. I ended them. It felt wonderful.

They appeared completely mystified. Like what I did was completely unexpected. Like they saw nothing wrong with how I'd been treated by them. Well, I don't care. I've got enough shit to deal with without having their dramatics as well. They can go and treat someone else bad, whatever the hell they want it doesn't matter to me, just as long as they're out of my life. 

Yesterday I felt really peaceful, and like a big weight had been lifted. I knew I'd made the right decision. Felt really happy about what I'd done.