Introducing David

I met David a week ago today, and have posted occasionally about him here. In the interests of privacy I didn't use his name but simply called him "anonymous", however he's happy for me to use his name he's told me. He also Googled the blog and has been reading it, I guess that's one way to find out about someone. I was going to give him the link anyway, but that's great that he's already found it (hi David *waves*). 

It's been a good week, have so much enjoyed his company, just being around him, and of course the sex! Looks like we've both been through the wringer, with not only being HIV+ but with shit from life as well, far outside the realms of what normal people would consider a lot of shit. We both just get each other's pain. There's no need to inform or educate about it all, no need to explain, just being around each other we know.

It's so much easier with someone who's positive. I certainly don't blame Simon in any way for not getting my shit, I mean FFS there's a lot of it to get. But it's nobodies fault, not mine or his, that there's this barrier of understanding between us. I'm really starting to think that it's pretty impossible to understand the sort of psychology and pain that you go through with HIV unless you've actually been through it. Some people I guess may be superhumanly empathetic, but they must be very rare. 

Sadly much of this pain is caused simply by the whole social attitude about HIV, and ignorance. Yes it's just another disease and all that, but communities very often don't look at it that way. We have to confront stigma and prejudice, think about things like disclosure and the consequences of it, not to mention how we think about ourselves having it.

With David there's none of that sort of hassle. No crisis about when is the time to tell him I'm positive. None of all the complications and dramas that go with being with someone negative.

But it's more than that. We really connect. I didn't want to get involved with any sort of relationship, but right now I'm feeling like just giving up and letting him in to my life. You know there's all these barriers I put up because I don't want the drama or hassle of it all, and then someone comes along like David and just sails right past all the barriers and all I want is to just be with him. Fuck, I was seriously trying to avoid this, thought I was so good at keeping people at an appropriate distance. Where the fuck do I go with this now? Strange as it may seem after only a week, I really feel I love him. And believe me, after being with my wife to the end I certainly do know what love is.

He's spent a couple of nights here. Or was it three? In fact we've seen each other every day the whole week. After the last time my daughter comes and chats to him (um, think was more of an investigation). They chatted easily in the lounge room over coffee, but she seemed a bit stunned sort of. He's younger than me and is pretty cool as far as a 22 year old would think for someone older than them. It was like she was thinking "wow dad, you got him?" pretty funny. David picked up the same thing off her, and I can read her like a book anyway being my daughter.

Have told Simon about him but not as yet about how strong it's getting with him. I'm gonna have to do something soon as he's coming in about a month and it's going to be extremely awkward if he wanted to stay here with me when David and I are so involved. Fuck it's only been a week since we met, what will it be like in a month? So I better give Simon some warning that he'll likely have to stay with his friend down the road that he looks after her house sometimes. It's a bit hard he's such a lovely guy Simon, and I don't want to hurt him. I suppose that gives an idea of how much I'm thinking of David now. But I mean Simon's was an open relationship and sometimes in that situation these things happen.