It ends with Simon

I didn't know exactly how to let him know about David. I'm not good at talking on the phone, even since being a kid I've had this weird anxiety thing about it. Think maybe it's to do with not being able to see the person and talking in real time. So I wrote an email to him saying the basics all in a very nice way. I mean he's a lovely guy and I just didn't want any hurt to be any more than it needed to be.

I got a reply this morning. I won't paste exactly what he said, but he was glad that I sounded so happy on the phone to him the other day (I suppose that's a bit rare for me). He seemed to think though that he knew I wasn't interested in him for some time now, which was news to me. I have of course been interested in him, it's simply been other issues that have gotten in the way so much as not being able to continue with those issues in play.

So I replied back pointing this out. I didn't want him to think that this was his fault, it wasn't. It was nobody's fault. We were just both in very difficult situations. I'd say that the biggest issue was me being HIV+ and him not. He just never understood, although he tried that's for sure. Really, how could people understand all that's involved with it unless they've been through it themselves?

He'll be down end of next month and has already arranged to stay elsewhere, so he must have had an idea this was coming. We'll get together then, I still want to see him socially. Feel a bit sad today about it, would have to say he's helped me as best he could over the last 3 years or so, but it just wasn't to be. Likely this would of happened even if I'd not met David, meeting him simply hurried up the process. Think I'd already said that I couldn't see us moving forward unless certain things were resolved, and they were in the end almost impossible to. Certainly beyond my capacity to do so.