Nerves

Feeling very nervous today. Seems silly, don't think I should be. It's only fuckin work tomorrow, have been there 12 bloody years. I guess it's to be expected after 2 months off, nearly dying, and all the questions that'll get fired at me that there would be some nerves involved. But FFS, after all the shit that's happened why the fuck should I feel any nerves at all? You'd think it'd be more like "meh" and just wandering in and clocking on. Perhaps it's the social thing, I do get shy sometimes. And I haven't actually seen these people for the entire 2 months. Dept head is the only one I've been in regular contact with as well. 

Perhaps it's because I've been somewhere so completely different from the work environment. How could I expect any of them to even begin to understand what I've been through? In fact how could I myself understand their position/lack of understanding? They've been simply plodding on as usual in the same old world of work, nothing new or inspiring. Such an enormous contrast of emotions, thoughts, ideas, and life.

Decided I better get some comfortable shoes, the other boots are good but too hot for summer. Just some runners will do fine. Will look in Target for those, they have a really good selection. Unless some of the other smaller shops that specialise in runners and name brand shoes have a shoe special on, then I'll get some better ones cheaper. It's important for them to fit well and all, as with all the physical lifting and repetitive movements you can end up with knee/leg pain and injuries over time otherwise. I'll have a look in the mall and make a good choice I think even if they are a bit expensive. Not much point in getting cheap and nasty shoes if you have to go buy painkillers later on.