Monday, didn't go to work again like last Monday. WTF is it about Mondays? I wasn't feeling too bad, but got diarrhea in the middle of the night, bad pains in the stomach. Just thought fuck it, not going. Had some afternoon beers at the local pub yesterday (yes I succumbed to the demon alcohol again) but not a lot. That may have had something to do with it. Or I might have eaten something with a lot of potassium, which in the past gave me diarrhea as the body tries to get rid of the excess. That was when my kidneys were shitting themselves though, not like now much better. I dunno. Maybe I'm just getting old! Last few years I've stayed away from rich food before bed, or I end up awake all night with indigestion.
Not going to get out the cat-o-nine tails and whip myself over going to the pub. Didn't have a lot there, was relatively quiet, not some big piss up. That's pretty much my goals. Banning myself from it was a way to not be there when people I know are there and it just carries on and on. Suppose there's nothing much to be gained by being overly rigged about not going. All that will do is make me feel guilty if I do, fuck that! Got enough problems without dealing with self imposed guilt as well!
The dramatics with my daughter appear to be coming to an end for the month. Last night she cleaned her room, did all the dishes she'd been collecting in there (which was really starting to piss me off, but I didn't want to start an argument with a psycho over it) and went to work as normal this morning. I'm sure the dramas she's having at work are to do with her becoming a psycho once a month. Fuck I can't handle it at home and I've known her all her life, fuck knows how they deal with her at her work. Myself I just don't talk much with her and leave her alone, don't respond to her comments and the like. There's just no point, all it will do is both of us arguing and making the atmosphere even more tense. She's only going to twist everything I say around to how she interprets it. And then when the time of the month is all over, she becomes a completely different person, as nice and pleasant as can be. Talkative, happy, congenial, helpful. Talk about Jeckle and Hide.
I do wonder what to do about her sometimes. Really there's not much, am trying to deal with my own shit. There must be some sort of medication that can help with her moods around the dreaded time of the month, I dunno. I don't have the energy or time to find out. She wouldn't listen to me anyway. I dunno why women always go on the defensive when you tell them their periods are making them horrible to live with. It's like you've just uttered some sort of blasphemy. Of course it's not their periods they will assert, it's you. WTF? So evidently once a month I become this bad person who goes out of his way to piss off any females living in the house. Yeah right.
She got a huge shock when I nearly died. Suppose it's not the best thing seeing your father in ICU being kept alive with a breathing machine. She is I suspect just looking for some security. She doesn't have a lot of contact with the extended family. Most of mine are in New Zealand (thank fuck) and on my late wife's side the whole family seems to have self destructed years ago and are scattered all over the country, all with stories of hate for the rest of them. She has an older brother in Brisbane (from another relationship re her mother) who spent about 10 years off and on in jail up there. Has been out for a while but recently bashed his defacto up severely and has been charged over it. She was pretty upset about that.
But then that's the thing, she has her own issues and there's fuck all I can do for her if she won't help herself. I may ask the psychologist this afternoon if he knows anyone she could go and see for counseling. That's if she'd agree to do it. I could just let her know about them and leave it up to her. WTF else could I do?
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