Major problems with work

Missed work today. First time in a while though. In fact I even have a couple of hours sick pay built up, unbelievable! Woke up this morning and just couldn't face it. Didn't want to go in and use all that energy when there are other things in life I consider more important. Like Simon arriving at nearly 10pm tonight on the train, the last thing I want to be is exhausted when he gets here from work. He usually likes to go have a beer or two after such a long trip like that, and I know from past experience it's just horrible if I'm sitting there virtually falling asleep in front of him.

It has been an incredibly stressful week at work. None of it's been my fault. Rather, bad management. As I'm vulnerable to mental stressors I found it particularly hard to deal with. The workload; way too much of it, too little staff, and little proper organisation for the area. I've been telling the dept head since Monday that we need a casual bloke in from the agency for a while to do another shift on the guillotine, all to no avail. He finally mentioned something about going to do that yesterday, this was after I'd already spat the dummy the day before after having 5 different people bringing me work, all of it needed right away. Ridiculous. In the end told them (not in so many words) to all fuck off and that I can't fuckin do everything. 

I particularly pointed out that I still have problems with organising things in my head, after the brain injury from the GKC. To have all that work thrown at me in such an unorganised way is to me overwhelming; I just don't know where to start and it's all too much. In fact it's like that situation accentuates that mental illness that I have now, and it's almost like I have some kind of relapse into it. Other than that it's simply that the work load is too much, and when they start running jobs of 1 or 2 million in Print dept then we need a casual in to help with it. Fuck man, I know I'm good, but I'm not that good!

Seriously wondering again now if I'm going to last in this job. I don't think so the way it is now, unless they change things in the future. I'm dealing with the physical aspect of it OK now, but I don't get paid enough to deal with that sort of stress. And I don't want to have to deal with it either; life is too short for that. Likely in the past I would have just copped it and gone on with work, but not now, not anymore. Near death seems to do that to you. 

I also have to look after my mental health, whatever it is now. I'll have to bring these issues up with dept head on Monday. As far as I'm concerned they have to be addressed if I'm to work there long term.