An HIV dilemna

The bloke rang again from the agency yesterday. He had another job he was wanting me to do. As I'm not in Lightning Ridge he was actually getting quite pushy about it. It was however a 3 day week (12 hours each) on afternoon shift. There's just no way I could do that. I'd not be able to get through 3  12 hour days in a row, or do afternoon shift. Although I've done afternoon shift for 10 years at my last job, it was on a five day week of only 7.5 hours a shift and before I got HIV. After HIV I eventually had to go back to day shift as I was just too exhausted all the time to last until 11pm.

He also had another job on offer very nearby here for a five day week, but also afternoon shift. Even if it was on day shift, I just don't think I'd be able to do five days again.

So I'm listening to him on the phone and wondering if I should just tell him outright that I've started an application for disability as I'm HIV+. But then I wonder if I do that he's not going to touch me with a fuckin 10 foot barge poll, and what if my disability application fails? Then I'll be up shit creak without the proverbial paddle. 

I don't feel good about this as it's almost on the verge of lying. I mean the inference is that I'm just having a bit of a break before getting back into work. The truth is however that I'm realising more and more just what's going to be required of me working for the agency and I'm increasingly doubtful about being able to do it. I mean working like a normal, healthy, fit bloke would, not just a mere 3 days like I was. Fuck he's talking about 12 hour days, or 5 day weeks. I just can't do that anymore.

So now I'm considering sending him an email over the next few days, not telling him I'm positive but simply saying I'm investigating the disability option. Won't tell him everything, just give him an idea. It may well completely shut the door on working for the agency, but if so well so be it. I have to be realistic about my capacity now. This shit is bloody hard work.

As for the disability thing, I'm sort of feeling vaguely confident about success. You basically have to prove you can't work more than 2 days a week, which for me would be a pretty easy thing to do. Especially with the last employment agreement I signed for the 3 day week, as it says in there specifically the reasons for me being put on those days being because of high absenteeism from illness. What really worries me is the interview with one of Centrelink's doctors, not from fearing that they won't think I'm sufficiently sick enough to go on disability, but because I'm going to have to recount some very painful memories. I may very well end up in tears, and I don't want to return to that pain.