A fitful nights sleep last night. I have however made it through an entire week of work (well I'm up on Friday morning so I'm counting today as well). It's been a bit hard getting up of course all week, and there's been the decline in my mood suddenly over the last couple of days. Seemingly right out of the blue. I'll be finished the folder job at about lunch time it looks and may ask to go home then, with the remaining time taken out of annual leave. I don't think there's much for me to do after that as the other bloke is there on the guillotine.
They wanted me to come in on Monday again next week too for another big job. I agreed yesterday but after the unhappiness I felt last night after getting that stupid bank letter, I think I'll keep my psychologist appt instead and tell them I can't make it Monday. It's no biggie as it's not part of my working week anyway. If they're disappointed or can't deal with the work well that's their problem not mine. I'm the one with fuckin HIV.
Haven't seen the psychologist in a couple of months, as various appts got stuffed around and last Monday I ended up working. I haven't been in any major crisis or anything and things were going quite well I thought. But the way I reacted from that bank letter was a worry. Haven't thought about suicide for some time now. He always asks me each visit if I have, and last few I've had a run of saying no I haven't. This time though will be the first time in a while I have.
Nearly blurted out my status at work the other day in the middle of everyone. One of the blokes has been constantly late, and has even been officially warned about it. So one day this week he turns up late again. Of course we all give him stick, saying things like "nice of you to join us" and the like. The supervisor has a stress at him. And I catch myself just as I'm about to blurt out "I get here on time and I have fuckin HIV!". A close call, especially with my recent history of blurting out stuff inappropriately.
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment