Being human

Couple of days ago spent a bit of time at the yacht club again with Simon. Not the spectacular sunset that I missed out on taking the pictures of, but a lovely afternoon none the less. It's nearly winter here so there was nobody on the beach except for a couple of people strolling. It's not major scenery but it's nice to sit there and take it in with a meal and a beer. In the background in the first one is one of the first cemeteries in Australia, and the second one is the biggest port in Australia the Botany Bay container terminal. Um, like I said not exactly picturesque, but interesting.

Simon contacted me at work today wanting me to come around for a bit. I was in such a shit of a mood. I didn't know WTF to do. Back aching again, tired as hell. I saw the union bloke in the piss house just before leaving and as he knows my status I said to him that I was feeling "very positive". He didn't catch on at first, but after a few seconds did. 

Simon picked me up in his car and I just was in no mood. Should have warned him. In the end said I'm just no good through the week like this. It wasn't so bad in the end after a couple of beers but I wasn't jumping for joy. Said I wasn't good company. Went to apologise but then thought better of it.

I mean what should I have done then? Put on a mask and pretended to be happy? Be some false person that isn't me? I just can't do that. At least he knows it's me and not pretend me. I gave up trying to be a fake happy ages ago. If I'm sad I'm sad, that's just where I'm at right then. It's not bad to be that, it's simply human.