I can't sleep. Went to bed early as there was nothing on the TV and was really tired. Slept for a bit off and on. Woke up a couple of times not knowing what time it was thinking it was nearly morning. Had been only 10pm or so. Then about half an hour ago tossed and turned so much I woke up and it's like I can't get comfortable any more.
Sat up on the edge of the bed and sighed. Fuck everything is aching. My back is sore, my legs hurt in the muscles in the back. Neck is stiff. Headache. Food in my stomach is churning. Even a thumb is throbbing as the nail is a bit damaged.
It's one of those moments of discouragement when I'm sick of everything. The silence of the night, the stillness, seems to accentuate it all. During the day I'm busy with other things. In silence with all else absent, doubt and worry can sometimes scream at me. Those quiet times in the middle of the night can be the worst times of all.
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I had a very similar day. FUCK everything. I am too fucking tired of struggling. Grabbed a beer,sat on my couch & just sobbed. I have been obsessed with an older song, Bittcersweet Symphony" (The Verve)+. which I played over & over.
ReplyDeleteI turned 50 in 201o, & there is a new sense of freedom that I did not have.0
I am a chronic insomniac
I heard a song today by KMidnight Oil?
I love that song "Bitter-sweet Symphony". Will look it up on YouTube I reckon. Thanks for reminding me of it Rob. For me it's very true.
ReplyDeleteI've thought of posting about the middle of the night before as it's an issue. Think maybe I did once, from memory that was called "The Bewitching Hour". Think it's there somewhere in my posts but I'm hopeless darling at organising.
Agree about the freedom sense thing. Turning 50 is exhilarating! You get to know that all that experience you've gotten over your life is now at your disposal. And you never have to live that life to get it again! Oh happy days!