Hope

A definition:

A desire of some good, accompanied with an expectation of obtaining it, or a belief that it is obtainable; an expectationof something which is thought to be desirable; confidence; pleasing expectancy. (link) 

Hope is something precious. To lose it in times when things are bad is to lose the will to go on. Trudging through life, unable to find much of a reason to get up on the morning. Why get up only to endure more pain and dramas? Why keep going when it will never get better? Or if it is to get better it will be so far off into the future as to be meaningless at present. The pain is too much to endure, with no hope felt of improvement. Anguish at the loss of a future. Condemned to live in a dark world of misery. You feel you are not in control, and give up control of your life.


To find hope after losing it is something very precious. The veil of darkness lifts around you, and you can see new possibilities and ways of doing things. You see an end to the pain, and a different way of looking at it. You see that it will get better. You take control, you make things happen. The anguish goes, the sense of loss fades. No longer in darkness and misery. Your whole outlook changes. To find hope after being without it for a long time, is a life changing event.


I have found hope again. It's been years, the tunnel continuing on and on and on... Years living with little or no hope. Years of anguish, years of pain, years of darkness. Years of being out of control. It's over, finally over. I have hope for the future now.