I think I'm over my fit of despair, for the moment anyway. It all just got on top of me for a little while. Went to bed after that last post Thursday night and lay there crying. The pain was so back in my head, nose, throat, back. When I start crying like that I worry if I'll be able to stop, but thankfully those days seem to have finally passed. Have said on many occasions over the last few years, am glad there's no gun in the house. I'd had been dead long ago.
Was still pretty upset in the morning. But went through the rituals of nose blowing and pill taking, so as to get myself to work. Being as it was Friday it's only one day I thought and then 4 days off. However I got worse and worse through the day. Rang at 8am from work to get a doctors appt after work, and my particular GP was booked out for the day. But as I had to see someone, I just saw another doctor at the centre who was available, just before 5pm.
By the time I got there after work, it wasn't only my throat, but my whole mouth was sore and inflamed, and mouth ulcers had sprung up from nowhere. I couldn't talk without it hurting, and I was in quite a state darlings. Teary and defeated. Typical big brave effort by me, as usual it all ended in tears. Maybe I should just start seeing the doctor at the drop of a hat, instead of trying to be some kind of idiot hero?
The doctor I saw I'd seen also earlier this year not long after getting out of hospital, when I needed prescriptions and my GP was booked out again. He was surprised at how severe things were in my mouth, especially with the added ulcer pains. I've got ulcers all my life, even as a kid. There's some debate at what causes them, perhaps stress. They can be extremely painful. He did ask if it may be from sex, but as I haven't been out and was only tested the other week for everything, no that wasn't a possibility. It looks like the original sore throat I had wasn't completely cleared by the antibiotics, as that's when the Yellow Slime Disease began to appear, pretty much straight after ending them.
So he gave me a name of a super duper gargle thing from the chemist that kills bazillions of germs and is an anesthetic. It works well. Simon suggested the old salt in water thing, OMG I think I'd pass out from the pain putting salt in my mouth. Lovely dear he means well, but FFS, salt? Doc also gave me more antibiotics, these ones are different than the last. Called "Clamoxyl", a mixture of Amoxycillin 500mg, and potassium clavulanate 125mg. Have to take them immediately with food, unlike the other ones.
Emailed the psychologist and cancelled my appt Monday with him, he will email back with a new one. I don't want to turn up there if I can help it with this sickness. I'm sneezing as well. There's a lot of HIV+ people go there and I'd not want to pass this on to them. Will give the dentist a miss on Monday too. Was scheduled to have my teeth cleaned, but given the painful state of things I'm not going to want anyone messing around in my mouth. I'll reschedule that one too. Teeth cleaning sounded a bit lame to me for a dentist appt, but oral hygiene is particularly important for people with HIV.
Daughter got the "Youth Allowance" off Centrelink. Now that I'm poor she can get it, as it goes on my income until she's 21. Dunno how much it is, very little I think, but better than nothing. She can also work up to 15 hours a week and still get it. She's planning to finish her studies re child care whilst doing this, and after she's qualified will be extremely in demand employment wise. She's got fuck all work from this new agency as well, and hasn't paid any rent for a couple of weeks now. She'll get back paid from Centrelink when she starts getting paid, to the date she first applied, and told me she will give me as much rent as she can out of that. I mentioned to her how I got back paid earlier this year for the Sickness Allowance, which came to nearly $1,000 in one week.