"Your immune system is working"

Not a good night last night. The nose seems to be clearing a bit, but am blowing out blood in the mornings. Freaked out at first, until I realised it was just built up there from overnight and not some big nose bleed. Eyes were irritated and itching, and put drops in them twice through the night. The steam vaporizer is definitely helping though, and the fluid is almost clear now. Still, the whole thing is giving me a constant headache both day and night. And nauseous. Like I'm walking around in a fog.

Had soup for dinner last night, plus chucked a whole lot of vegetables in it. Didn't season it much at all. Went down well and no indigestion. There's some left over today in the fridge so I'll add something to it for tonight. Maybe even have it for lunch. Also want to start trying to take my own food to work instead of eating the cafeteria crap. Did one day last week, just sandwiches, but enjoyed it much more than the food there; been sitting there for at least an hour sometimes. Rice starts going hard and things start shriveling from being kept warm for that long. 

Someone said something yesterday that made me think. I was relating how I was constantly ill lately and was going to discuss the possibility of going back on medication next visit to the HIV doctor. But this bloke said that having cold and flu symptoms means that your immune system is actually working, and that people with very weakened immunity don't get those symptoms. I'd never heard of such a thing. I asked "Then what do they get?", and he said "Tired". Also that there'd been a lot of colds and flu's in the general population lately and I was probably just experiencing that.

I dunno, that's another way of looking at it I suppose. It doesn't take away from the fact though that even though my immune system is working, it has to work much harder than everyone else's in the general population. As someone experiencing it directly, to me it's like the immune system chucks everything at the HIV, and deals with colds and flu as secondary. 

Sometimes I wonder about people involved in support with HIV, whether they really understand what's going on with us. It all sounds very nice in theory, but get in my body and go through my shit for a few months, then come back and say "Oh don't worry about it, your being sick shows your immune system is working". Fuck off. 

Yeah, it's working alright. It's up to it's fuckin eyeballs.