Thursday, 29 September 2011

A deeper reality

The strangest thing happened to me today.

I was at work and started to feel like it wasn't real where I was. I knew it was real, but I felt like it wasn't. Like the psychical world I was in wasn't actually my reality. Everything was going on around me, but it all seemed distant, and although I was involved in it there seemed nothing that would stop my feeling of unreality. This lasted for a while. In fact I got into a joking conversation with one of the blokes there that I felt like Alice in Wonderland; that I wasn't in Texas anymore. 

There's been a lot of changes at work in the last year or so, which I've pointed out previously here, which may have contributed to said feelings. The place has gone from a friendly trusting environment to one of fear and accusations. On top of that we're now all walking around in fluorescent orange shirts. On top of that is some new declaration we can't have mobile phones on the shop floor (yeah right, hello it's 2011). 

I was quipping that perhaps there had been a tear in the space/time continuum, and that in fact we'd crossed over into some parallel universe where mobile phones didn't exist. It was an hilarious conversation. But things had gone so strange at work that these declarations from Rambo (i.e. the factory manager) were making it all seem very surreal. 

On the way home I started thinking about all of this. My reality is so far removed.

My reality doesn't involve such things. Reality for me isn't about how much money I have, or even how little of it I have. It's about interaction with the world and life. About emotions, feelings, whatever they are. It's experiencing those emotions and feelings. About making time to do so. It's about life, love, hate, disappointment, fear, anger, happiness, sadness, and all things you feel.

My reality involves more than just having sex. It involves making love. More than just the physical act of doing so, but the way you feel (beyond words) when you connect with someone beyond that simply physical act. The physical act is just an expression of those feelings and emotions. You both just know what to do with each other. It's like a deeper world takes over in those times. It's way beyond just a fuck.

Simon has said he will try to come to Sydney soon. He's bought a new car as his other one busted. I've not allowed myself to miss him much the last months as I dunno when I'll be seeing him next. I do find myself missing him now though, and very much looking forward to a stay from him here. We both very much feel alike....

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