Another day of fun

Am feeling quite unwell today, in every way. Nauseous, headache, and fuckin depressed again. Didn't get up until a bit after midday; one of those days again that I didn't want to start. Just lying in bed there in the dark room. The curtains are thick so even when the morning sun shines on them it's still dark inside. Cat was a bit miffed about the delay in being feed, but after a while slept on the bed with me. She usually wants to get outside in the day, but was happy to just hang around with me through the morning in the gloom. Took some Panadol (the magic elixir) for the headache and it didn't go away, so took two more after only an hour. That worked and I slept a bit from them. 

At least I didn't have any dreams last night. Had a terrible one the other night, full on nightmare it was. Dreamed that my religious sister in New Zealand was going around telling people that HIV was preventable and that it was my fault I got it. I was so upset in the dream, remember crying and angry, in the dream. Was it my fault I was self destructive when I got it? Was it my fault everything that happened to make me that way, happened? Those times I took a break from it all, spent a day or two taking drugs and in another world away from everything, I was for a bit actually feeling happy. It was a needed break from the pain and despair I was facing every day. Had I not had those breaks away from reality, where might I be now? Who knows, I may have not survived the ordeal without that space.

I remembered a while back Simon pointed out that taking antibiotics made him feel depressed. I wonder if it's the same with me? He didn't give any reason why they do that to him, just a while back when he was taking some he said he was feeling down from them, and did so every time he had to take them.

The Yellow Slime Disease is at bay. Still a bit in the mornings though. Am hoping it doesn't get worse again like last time I stopped the antibiotics. Am seeing my GP next Tuesday so by then I'd assume that I'd have a better idea of what was happening with the Slime. 

Am seeing him about getting a letter for the early release of my Superannuation funds. Seeing the psychologist Monday week. Have emailed them both about it. I also will have to get a letter from my HIV doctor at the hospital, but haven't been able to contact him as yet as the email I sent to the nurse came back that she was on leave until Tues. Suppose I could ring the secretary there. Have an appt end of the month but think that might be a bit long to wait. The application can't go forward unless I have all these letters.