"It's enough" - feeling bad.....

Have tried all the coping mechanisms that I know, but the last month or so I've not been able to shake off this feeling..... this feeling that I've just had enough of it all.

Going through my head has been all the love and effort for much of my life, and look at where I've ended up. Sick and poor with a daughter that doesn't care, a gov that doesn't care. A daughter who doesn't want to know me anymore, and a gov as well.

At the moment the only thing keeping me here is David. I love him like mad. I'd not want to do something that would hurt the fuck out of him. Not to mention his cats. They love me.

At the same time that doesn't take away from my terminal feelings. At times it just the only conclusion in a row of thoughts; that although there is the bestest of love, there is still the worst pain. Pain inflamed by the most recent of occurrences with my daughter.

I do feel a determination to overcome this. A search for a solution.....

I won't let her hurt me again. Not fuckin again. Oh shit, I'm hurting again.... Well I'm not going to let her have the same power as she did over me the last times. It's her life now. She can take what she will from my parenting. Perhaps in years to come she may realise what she's done.

One thing is for sure. This will be the last bloody time she hurts me.......