I was contacted through the blog the other week by someone only recently diagnosed with HIV. We've been emailing back and forth a bit, and in my opinion he's very good at expressing his feelings in those emails. In an, aah..., rather Australian way. I asked him if he'd mind me posting some of it on the blog as others would also find his experiences interesting, which he was happy to agree to. Of course he wishes to remain anonymous, and I'll edit where necessary for his privacy. Haven't thought up a pseudonym yet, so for now I'll just call him "Mr X".
What a stupid fucking disease we have gotten ourselves into. Healthy as an ox here but feel like I’ve been waiting for the hand grenade to explode. If you’re such a vicious thing that's eventually going to be part of my death Mr HIV – fucking do something, don’t just lie there and say “It might be alright now, but I’m going to get you one day!!!” - well fuck you Mr HIVSo, I had my doc visit today – this is only the 3rd or maybe 4th since the happy news.WTF????? so CD4 which had been climbing, took a bit of a hit and went from 760 to 670, still, I have a cold, had gastro since last time, and had Gonorrhoea at the time of the test (I am the most vulnerable person in Australia to that – I swear, I really could catch it from sitting on a bus seat – fuck it). So not great news but not that bad.But then the other bit – viral load, now remember, no meds here, cd4 dropping, so nothing good – fucking thing dropped below 1000 – I’m damn near close to becoming undetectable without meds which is almost unheard of. Go figure!!!! Explanation? “ yep its getting you, when it crops up it is clobbering your immune system, so when it replicates you get hit, but there is something about my chemistry that seams (at the moment at least) to inhibit its ability to replicate”.My answer? – I didn’t wait to hear the results anyway – I have already decided that while I know the drugs are serious stuff, it is just doing my head in sitting here waiting for the bug to do something so I said – “don’t care, its drugs for me and the sooner the better”.So fuck me – walked out with a script.Fuck, never seen such a reaction – I gave about a litre of blood – 9 viles for all sorts of things, had an ecg, go for a bone density test next week, and some other test I don’t even understand but come some time next week when I get the script filled – were off. Not looking forward to taking such serious stuff, and I know I probably don’t really need it yet, but I had to – it was just doing my head in thinking I was waiting for some stupid thing that I couldn’t see of feel or had any effect from, to just breed and come up and hit me.Next interesting thing – latest CD4 was 670 – the medicare guidelines are 500 and while I’m happy to pay for bits and pieces, fucked if ‘I'm going to sign up for thousands ongoing for meds – Answer –” just don’t worry about it mate” says doc – “its just a guideline – if we get audited then we will have to chat but its my problem not yours” = love my doctor. We agreed that it is actually quite defendable – I'm [over 50], under medication for blood pressure and cholesterol (both of which currently measure better than normal, but we’ll leave that bit out), have a slight case of heart palpitations etc. so its kinda justifiable. Guess what??? After paying [a lot of] taxes for the last 20 years – I am actually going to get something back Wooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!.Signed, "Mr X".