Mr X

I was going to think of a better pseudonym for him, but "Mr X" seems to have stuck. He's surprised actually about how many views his first guest post has been getting. I however think he writes in a very straightforward Australian way is much of the reason and am not particularly surprised myself. Told him he should consider starting his own blog as he's very good at it, and it's a great way to release what's going on with you, especially things that you'd not normally talk about with other people. 

It's interesting too as I was in so much of a mental daze soon after I was diagnosed that I can't really remember much of how I felt about things. I sometimes just dunno what to say to him because whatever happened with me back then my head was sort of in a numb state and I didn't care about anything. Anyway he's says he's writing a book, that would be very interesting to read I'd expect, and entertaining too. 

He's told me he's fine with me posting "any of his bits" As in his "bits" below, he leads a double life:

An absolute panic attack today. I have been to the central clinic place once before for a counselling session - don't mind the people, but the whole place just gives me the creeps. Well that is where I have to go to get meds - nice lady, but by the time I answered a million and one questions and got led into the secret room to get the stuff, I was pretty freaked and then she starts to run through possible side effects etc. - I walked out with 2 boxes of pills, enough printed material on them that would sink a small ship, and was totally freaked about whether my idea to go on early is actually the right one. Im sure it is, and Ive made the decision anyway so fuck it - its day 1 of the rest of my life so here we go, but geeeees - they certainly know how to freak you out. 

Kind of a strange reaction really - today was about the freakiest day of my journey so far - I kinda sailed through it all from day 1 up till now pretty well. I was always pretty choosey - picked guys who were regularly tested and neg, didn't bb randoms in clubs or anything, but you takes your chances in life, so I wasn't happy, but not surprised when I got the news. There's no real point in going into a deep dive as to who it came from, but I'm pretty sure I've worked it out, and I was just a victim of timing - he didn't know he was poz and it was between tests - also, looks like I probs got it as top and not bot - so it is true - works both ways. Then through the whole getting used to it period, because I've always had this double life a totally separate straight and gay one, it was always like "yeh its happened but its not me, its the other me" so I just took it in my stride. I can remember the first time I cut myself after knowing though - looked at my blood and reacted like I have Ebola or something "unclean!!!", practically steam cleaned the bathroom after. But now the pills are mine - not the other me, both me's, Hmmm, here we go i guess. If I break out in rashes, turn yellow, have black pee, heart goes wild, I probably wont freak any more than I did today when she ran me through all that stuff lol.

Mr X