We went out for a few drinks yesterday afternoon, and I commented on the bus that I was feeling a bit strange. Sort of light headed, like I'd had too much coffee, but I hadn't. We got to the pub and on the first beer it occurred to me that perhaps I'd forgotten to take all my pills this morning. I'd slept about 12 hours overnight and didn't get up until late, and couldn't remember sitting up in bed and taking them. I usually take them about 6-7am, as I get up for work at 6. The more I thought about it the more I couldn't remember taking anything.
So I said this to Simon who was rather nonchalant about it I thought. "Oh pills, pills, what pills?" I said that I wasn't worried about the blood pressure ones as they'd do fuck all missing the morning ones, but it was the 300mg of Efexor that was the big concern. In all the time I've been taking it I've never missed a dose, such has been the importance of it in avoiding suicide. He just told me to stop worrying about it.
After a while though I started feeling really strange. Much more light headed, and scared and anxious. Couldn't see straight and my vision was very blurry. Decided now that there was no doubt I'd missed taking it and said I just had to go home. Tried to keep myself together on the bus, was agitated and impatient. And feeling emotional. It'd not be so bad had I been on a much lower dose, but as it's 300mg it's a huge thing if I miss taking it.
By the time I got home and in the door I was starting to hyperventilate and was feeling these terrible pain emotions that I'd not felt in a long time. Swallowed the two pills straight away and sat on the chair in the bedroom near the window. Couldn't help it, just started crying from how much I was feeling this pain again. Fuck, it was still there after all this time, just waiting under the surface. An unexpected visit from the pain monster.
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