I'm a mess

What a difference one night can make.

Went to bed last night and was fine. Middle of the night woke up and must have slept wrong on my shoulder. It was hurting badly. It's a recurring problem over the years of being in the printing industry lifting such  large amounts on a daily basis, and I have specific exercises to stretch the neck and shoulder muscles to avoid them getting too tight. But this time when I woke up the pain was excruciating. 

Dunno how the fuck I slept to make it like that, but it felt like a muscle spasm. That's when the muscle is so tight it goes into a spasm, very very painful. Just at the back of my shoulder above the shoulder blade. For the rest of the night I could hardly sleep, but didn't want to take anything as it would make it even harder to get up for work in the morning. As it was I sat up on the bed with the whole right top side of my back hurting from it, and tired from no sleep. 

On top of that I was feeling really anxious. No idea why, probably about the money situation. It was very strong today, all day. I didn't want to leave the house but forced myself to, to get to work. A feeling of dread and fear all day. Horrible emotions. Scared, worried, it's paralysing. 

Got through work with some painkillers. Told Simon I didn't feel at all like going out anymore tonight, but maybe just some quiet beers at the Oxford Hotel in it's familiar surroundings. At the moment I feel tired, sore, and anxious. I even feel nauseas from the anxiety. Maybe I'll feel better when Simon gets here, he's coming at 5 and we'll get the bus to the pub.