A bad day

I dunno if it's got to do with the second drop in happy pills or not, but I do remember feeling ill for a while on the first drop. Today though was the worst so far.

The dry retching started this morning, and suddenly a big mouthful of watery spew came up. Ugh, I hate spewing. Unfortunately I wasn't at the toilet and had to go running for it. By the time I got there it sort of exploded out my mouth into the toilet, also out my nose. OMG it was absolutely horrible. Must have been some stomach acid in it as it stung the inside of my nose, to the point I suddenly got an extreme sinus type headache. blew my nose like mad for about half an hour, it was very irritated to say the least, and lots of runny fluid came out. 

Meanwhile the dry retching continued. Fuck! I didn't want to lose all the fuckin pills! Managed to keep it down despite the extensive discomfort. My back fired up with pain as well, dunno why. Finally went to bed and stayed there all morning. The headache slowly dissipated and I put the Voltaren cream on my back which helped. Felt exhausted and eventually went to sleep for a bit. At the moment my back's still aching, still a slight headache, but at least the stinging in my nose has stopped. Hopefully there wasn't much of the pills in the water that came up.

Days like these I start wondering if I should just give up the drop in pills for a bit, but then remind myself to be patient. Has been a busy time with pills in recent months; starting the HIV meds again and now trying to drop on what has been a huge happy pill dose. I hadn't anticipated all the side effects involved. 

Last night stayed at David's again. Was going to go home, but felt fragile and told him so. Felt I needed his company in the night. I dunno if I could do all this without him you know.