Psychologist visit at a low point

Had the monthly psychologist meeting last week. I was feeling pretty low when I went. He asked out of ten how would my mood have been, my answer was about 3.

There's a couple of things behind it it seems. There is of course the court case with psycho nephew in just over 2 weeks now. Causing anxiety and the like. Unfortunately as I'm the main witness the psychologist isn't able to discuss in any meaningful way the issue around it as to how I'm feeling. It's to do with "contaminating the witness".

He did however point out that all I had to do was to say exactly what I saw, to the best of my memory. I explained the almost video replay in my head from the hallway where the bashing happened, and that even all this time later (it happened on new years) it was still there in my head like it happened yesterday. Along with the feelings of horror and shock that went along with it at the time. There's nothing I have to try and remember, the memories are there hitting me in the face.

The other issue is one that can't be particularly helped. The isolation and depression that can come from poverty. Told him about the 5 days we recently had with nothing. David scrounging around the house looking for ten cents to get enough for cigarette papers. Not sure what happened that fortnight but it was pretty depressing. It's not like that every fortnight.

So both of us are sort of stranded at home for days on end at times. Everything gets paid but there's nothing left to engage and be a part of society in a normal way. It's very isolating. This of course is simply because of the high rent we pay relative to what we get; over 50% of income.

I went through that sort of isolation with my wife, but for a different reason. She was chronically ill and over the years as she slowly got worse and more incapacitated we as a couple ended up being very isolated socially. It was one of the big things after she died, me trying to reconnect to the community. It's a hard thing to do. Even when the cause of the isolation evaporates.