2 years since diagnosis

Just realised. Haven't been one to remember the exact date. Pretty sure it was in early March. So 2 years since being diagnosed. 

It's very different having HIV and living with it, than not having it and living with the fear of getting it. There's so much misinformation out there about HIV, and I honestly thought it was a death sentence when I was told I was positive (not that I cared). I know I've had complications, and well it almost was a death sentence around Christmas, but HIV I've found is a very survivable virus these days. With proper medication and early treatment HIV is being managed with people living in to old age now. I read somewhere the other day that we are the first generation to do this with HIV. 

Of course this means we're almost guinea pigs with some of the latest medications, as they're fairly new and no one really knows the long term effects of taking Anti-retrovirals. Obviously with me there were (shall we say) "complications" with my kidneys, and my heart with another HIV pill they tried. It is a matter of finding the best medication suited for you, as we all have different bodies. What I was taking that saw me go into acute renal failure, others have been taking for years without any problems. It does get hard to ascertain if the meds themselves are causing problems into old age, as often the gay community leads a rather more risky life style re drugs and the like anyway.

I don't fear HIV anymore. But then again I don't fear death either. I've no regrets, don't go around wishing I'd behaved differently, wondering what would be if I'd not gotten it. Yes, I was reckless and did things that left me vulnerable. But I was on the verge of suicide back then, and it was a break from the nightmare of life; take drugs and go into another world for a while, a break from reality. Who knows, maybe I'd not survived had it not been for those breaks. Given my mental state, simply coming out HIV+ is probably quite a good result. At least I survived.