Life goes on

Had the appt yesterday afternoon with the psychologist, but canceled it. Just didn't feel like going. No biggie he understands, he emailed giving me another appt next Monday. Stayed home all day, apart from going to Medicare for refund money from seeing my GP other day. Now that the health care card has run out I have to pay about $40 again to see him. Was in a strange mood all day, tired, not wanting to do anything. Sitting and staring into space. Didn't want to go outside at all. Didn't even open the back door for the cat. Cat seemed alright with it, stayed around with me for the day.

Have given up trying to figure out why depression strikes. Seems like it comes out of the blue for no reason at all sometimes. The happy pills help a lot.

Have decided to ban myself from going to the local pub on the weekend. It's too soon after being sick to be messing with beers like that. After all the shit I've just gone through I don't want to end up back in hospital because I had too much to drink for a few months. And it's a bit complicated with the J thing, I'm just not able to deal with social situations like that at the moment. She seems very strong and willing to bury the hatchet, but I'm still feeling wounded and angry about what happened between us. I think the best thing for now is to just stay away, it's all too difficult. I also can't afford to expose myself to the depression that can come from drinking too much.

Went to work today but it wasn't busy and ran out of things to do early on. After 3 hours I asked to go home and use the balance of the day out of annual leave. They really like it when you do that as it suits the company you taking annual leave when it's quiet. I'm happy to do it as anything is better than standing there numb with boredom for another 4 hours or so. Reported online to Centrelink today my income, fuck I hope this is the end of their crap now!. Went through the process, gross amount for the fortnight and total hours worked, and at the end I was informed my "Working Credit Balance is 0". I haven't the faintest idea WTF that means, but it does sound encouraging.

Slept for about an hour as soon as I got home from work at 11am, that's despite going to bed last night at 8:30. So fuckin tired the last couple of days. Have been getting a head cold so I suppose that's got something to do with it. Or it may be the mood as well.