Monday, 24 April 2017

When depression shrinks your world


Going to see the psychologist later today. Yesterday felt very low. Tired and sick. Literally.

Was feeling ill as often happens when your kidney's aren't going the best. Ill to the point of dizzy. The kidney's make a hormone that tells your body to make red blood cells, but if they aren't working so well the number of red blood cells reduces in your body, which are responsible for oxygen absorption. So your body ends up short on oxygen, hence dizzy. Aching muscles, and feeling generally off colour.

Which is what I was yesterday. Spent most of the day lying in bed as felt quite dizzy all the time when I got up. My world shrinks when in a mood like that. I feel closed in inside the house, apart from the unpredictable outside world past the front door. the walls of the house become almost like a fortress of safety. I hear the traffic outside going past, people walking past chatting, but I don't feel part of it. 

Depression does that though. It separates you from other people and you don't want to engage. The day can become an exercise in tasks being obstacles, not matter how small they may be. Even everyday things can seem insurmountable, like just getting up out of bed. I did get up yesterday and took my pills, then promptly went back to bed. We had a friend here watching some of our latest movies, but I apologised going back to bed. Felt horrible on every level.

Cripes dunno where I'd be without the 225mg of Efexor a day. But depression is an ongoing condition (well for me anyway) so it's logical to treat it. Plus the psychologist is part of that.